Hmm, it’s funny how connection works.
I’ve recently escaped “no blogs land” (a deserted island flanked on all sides by churning, crashing waves of busyness), and a few months of self-imposed isolation replete with no inclination to write/share.
Correction, I wanted to write, but struggled with my ability to still my mind long enough to let creative juices flow. And that’s where, hampering external forces notwithstanding, the self-imposed part comes in.
Work demands–coupled with winter blues–had really been kicking my butt. But, I could’ve have simply written–written simply…without my usual whimsy, cleverness and humor (that’s not bragging, just an appreciation for the creative writing that springs forth, allowing for multi-faceted self expression).
However, I couldn’t imagine there was any value in “vanilla” writing…no fun, no relief in that. And, the very thought of “showing up” otherwise appealed as much as a much younger me going to a club in track pants and no make-up.
At best, I imagined sporadic “pity likes”, and awkwardly-vague comments from loyal blogging friends…at worst, metaphorical stage whispers authored by my internal dialogue.
“Isn’t that her?
“No way…she always had it together, even when she didn’t…like sporting a a great no-make-up look that takes a good deal of make-up to pull off. You know, like a great beachy hair-style that seems effortless…This! This is dark circles, and uneven skin tone…and bedhead!!!”
“You said it, sister. My, how the mighty have fallen (out of favor)”.
Not saying I’m all that…but, I do “clean up well”. My usual writings take what has been/is daunting, confusing, painful, insecurity-inducing…flawed in me, and makes it relatable…worthy of compassion and admiration…is brave…and (I’ve been told) is inspiring…
And, I’ve come far enough that I’ve learned to admire myself–my ability to work really hard at being my better self…and, to evoke emotion, reflection, and sharing/connection through writing.
However, coming back has been tentative exercise in posting, then wrestling with the motivation to repeat the process …exercise?!?…process?!?
Where was the spontaneity…the curiosity…the eagerness to see and be seen…the joy of discovery as my fingers danced over the keypad?
But, having returned to find that some of my favorite bloggers/friends have been on hiatus as well–wrestling with a disinclination to share in their unique ways–I’m relieved to know that it’s not just me…and, not just me feeling guilty about all the wonderful posts I haven’t been reading/commenting on/appreciating.
And, I’m humbled to see that loyal friends left well-wishes (even after their initial ones went unanswered).
And, I can’t express how heartwarming it is to see familiar names attached to “likes” so soon after I started posting again.
I guess I share this to say that, you are just so special–and I want you to know that my absence had nothing to do with a diminishment in my admiration for you…I just didn’t have the energy to write something that felt like work…so, I just “stayed home”.
Writing this–unvarnished and spontaneous–is my way of accepting an invitation to “come as you are”…after all, that was my intention 3 years ago when I joined this wonderful community.
So, thank you…thank you…
You are irreplaceable…and you are soooooo wonderful! 🙂
God bless you and your loves.
Affectionately,
Truly 🙂
I Will Wry-se Up 
Knock, knock! What an utterly lovely post…you’ve put into perfect words how my own time away from blogging and liking/commenting went down after losing my sweet father…if I was able to hop on board the WordPress train and visit one other soul, I called that a good day (and like you, I treasured the ones who came by despite my absence…welcome back, Truly, and thank you for being real (like the Velveteen bunny!)
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Thank you for all of it…my slide started when I lost Frosty…and then work and winter finished me off…thank so much for getting me and letting me know you can relate….and “like the Velveteen Bunny”…teared me up ❤
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I felt tearful writing it!
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I feel as though you put into words so much of what I’ve been feeling. i wrestle with feeling very blocked and just have little desire to blog anymore. Thank you for your honesty and I value you, Truly. You are wonderful!
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Oh, Judy….you are one of the loyal and kind souls I was referring to….thank you for letting me know how you feel and for connecting with me, my friend 🙂 ❤
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It’s strange because I hardly go on WordPress and then after leaving my message, I saw I had a message that today was my 9 year anniversary of blogging. It’s a milestone day then and it means you were meant to write to me. You are so welcome, Truly. I actually appreciate your simpler writing even more than your dazzling puns. it goes to the heart of things and really hits me. 🙂
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Our connection is meant to be…and, Congratulations!!!! 9 years, wow!!! 🙂 And, I’m happy that my “toned down” writing hit your heart…it means that I can connect in different ways, and nothing I share is wasted…you are a treasure 🙂
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Absolutely! I can say that the biggest obstacle for me with creating anything is pressure. I try not to demand too much of myself. But I also realize I’m still not creating like I did before, so I’m still working on figuring this out. I used to write to pour out emotion and I think I’m much more self-reliant now. So that’s a good thing, I hope. Much love, Truly. You are a treasure to me, too!
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If there was ever a post for me to plagiarize this would be the one… we often think our own experience is so uniquely just ours and then we read (or hear) words that make us realize there is a collective “we”… a community… so much shared and in common… Thanks for putting “fancy” words to what I felt… and Judy… wow you are at the same point too?… Could it be some odd anti blogging virus?
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Thank you for making time to connect with me….your words are so heart-warming…I still remember early on when you left a comment saying that you finally understood my “language”…and that it was like being in on an inside joke…and, here you are again, letting me know that you get me…it means sooooo much,,,,thanks again 🙂
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I haven’t written anything in so long would feel weird to start again. Glad you are writing and hope all is well.
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Thank you…writing means things are much better 🙂 I just read your post about your cats and I’m really glad you wrote…it warmed my heart…I am soooooo glad that you took the time to connect with me….you are one of the connections that has given me a lot of joy 🙂
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