Hmm, it’s funny how connection works.
I’ve recently escaped “no blogs land” (a deserted island flanked on all sides by churning, crashing waves of busyness), and a few months of self-imposed isolation replete with no inclination to write/share.
Correction, I wanted to write, but struggled with my ability to still my mind long enough to let creative juices flow. And that’s where, hampering external forces notwithstanding, the self-imposed part comes in.
Work demands–coupled with winter blues–had really been kicking my butt. But, I could’ve have simply written–written simply…without my usual whimsy, cleverness and humor (that’s not bragging, just an appreciation for the creative writing that springs forth, allowing for multi-faceted self expression).
However, I couldn’t imagine there was any value in “vanilla” writing…no fun, no relief in that. And, the very thought of “showing up” otherwise appealed as much as a much younger me going to a club in track pants and no make-up.
At best, I imagined sporadic “pity likes”, and awkwardly-vague comments from loyal blogging friends…at worst, metaphorical stage whispers authored by my internal dialogue.
“Isn’t that her?
“No way…she always had it together, even when she didn’t…like sporting a a great no-make-up look that takes a good deal of make-up to pull off. You know, like a great beachy hair-style that seems effortless…This! This is dark circles, and uneven skin tone…and bedhead!!!”
“You said it, sister. My, how the mighty have fallen (out of favor)”.
Not saying I’m all that…but, I do “clean up well”. My usual writings take what has been/is daunting, confusing, painful, insecurity-inducing…flawed in me, and makes it relatable…worthy of compassion and admiration…is brave…and (I’ve been told) is inspiring…
And, I’ve come far enough that I’ve learned to admire myself–my ability to work really hard at being my better self…and, to evoke emotion, reflection, and sharing/connection through writing.
However, coming back has been tentative exercise in posting, then wrestling with the motivation to repeat the process …exercise?!?…process?!?
Where was the spontaneity…the curiosity…the eagerness to see and be seen…the joy of discovery as my fingers danced over the keypad?
But, having returned to find that some of my favorite bloggers/friends have been on hiatus as well–wrestling with a disinclination to share in their unique ways–I’m relieved to know that it’s not just me…and, not just me feeling guilty about all the wonderful posts I haven’t been reading/commenting on/appreciating.
And, I’m humbled to see that loyal friends left well-wishes (even after their initial ones went unanswered).
And, I can’t express how heartwarming it is to see familiar names attached to “likes” so soon after I started posting again.
I guess I share this to say that, you are just so special–and I want you to know that my absence had nothing to do with a diminishment in my admiration for you…I just didn’t have the energy to write something that felt like work…so, I just “stayed home”.
Writing this–unvarnished and spontaneous–is my way of accepting an invitation to “come as you are”…after all, that was my intention 3 years ago when I joined this wonderful community.
So, thank you…thank you…
You are irreplaceable…and you are soooooo wonderful! 🙂
God bless you and your loves.