Context: Hi, Wonderfuls,

After giving myself some distance from a really trying (but, “I’m Still Standing”) week, I wrote  most of this post a couple weeks ago-…

Additionally, the following posts found on Facebook reflect my courage to think things through.

“Sometimes you just need to talk about something—not to get sympathy or help, but just to kill its power by allowing the truth of things to hit the air.”  Karen Salmansohn.

The second post is a photo of a dandelion (the kind that looks like a silver sunburst), and the following quote–“Some see a weed, others see a wish.”

Hear We Go,  Friends:

A recent work-week was one of the longest months of my life!

Having said that, I paid heed to a painful pattern that approached a-10-shun on the—”I’d rather avoid this, but it needs my at-TEN-SION”— stress scale.

The pattern was this…

I was particularly sensitive to criticisms and unhelpful reactions when I went above and beyond to be supportive under highly-challenging circumstances.

Now, of all the leaps of faith you and I have taken together, Magnificents, 

this one requires the mental agility of the splits.

For, I’m just gonna cut to the chase(d by subconscious hypocrisies); which necessitates excluding a good deal of comprehensive context.

Decades Past:

It was the Christmas season and, young and poor, I spied a ten-dollar bill on the floor of the local department store.

Ten dollars!!!

I had time enough to calculate that, with that amount of money, I could secure my heart’s desire—a Baby-Go-Bye-Bye…

(A cutie-patootie driving a battery-operated pink convertible Volkswagen Beetle.)

No swooner had that delight-inducer set my optimistic inner-voice racing like a horse than my giddy-yap  was pulled up short…

A towering store clerk asked me if the money was mine; and,

without hesitation,

I admitted I found it, and (red) handed it over.

Now, here’s the (horse) kicker…

My mother chastised me for being foolish enough to own up, and said the woman was going to keep the money for herself…

What really hurt wasn’t just the loss of the toy of a life-time—thereby relegating the festive season to a Christmas bound-T-B the best buried treasure ever—

I was confused by scalding shame and a cutting sense of betrayal…

Given that weekly-church attendance drilled into me that we are to be honest and do the right thing no matter what, I knew honesty was the best (store) policy)…

Yet, here was my mother,

hyper-committed to religiosity,

disapproving of me…yet again!!!

Fast forward to the hear-and-now (comes the tie-in):

Once (twice…a dozen times) I spent the week (weeks ago) sifting through a series of contemporary hypocrisies,

the parts (un)clouding my judgement eventually made room for a blue-sky-wide perspective.

(*I’m sparing you the (un)-glory details…bouts of ugly-crying alone, and anxiety’s dire predictions that, powerless to avoid the course of things, I was doomed to D–compensate faster that a bunch of over-exposed (going) bananas*)

Said clarity stemmed from introspection, prayer, sharing/venting with a few trusted friends, and having a brave and important conversation with my supervisor.

(*Funny how one sentence can hold so much time and unsaid things between the lines!*)

(*A second FYI…my “course of things”/”D-compensation” pun is an ode (no!) to a four month stint of anxiety at the start of the fourth year of my social work degree*)

Back to the Point:

By the end of that long weak, my determination—buoyed by God’s grace!—made room for a crucial shift in understanding…

Having gotten to the root(ed in childhood)/drive to do the right thing while paying a steep price for it—I’m railing against a power-differential whereby authority figures have the final (misguided) word…

Since I’m no longer a dependent child, a toxic state of (not) being (me) isn’t something I need to take lying down (beneath roofs towering above egg-shell foundations).

(*And, I can’t overstate how grateful I am to have a supervisor willing and able to listen to my perspective/struggles/and claiming of the voice that—in the name of growth—I cannot silence*)

So, gentle listeners, inspired by a glorious sight that struck me as particularly powerful during this lightening(-up) storm, I’m refuse-ing to be outshone…

I’m choosing to be like a night sky g-littered with twinkling stars:

I will not become mired in (additional) over-thinking…

(I’m) Pressing Pause:

(*Having pieced this piece together over a number of sittings, I pressed pause last week after writing what follows; and the Rush pun showed up in today’s editing process*)

As much as temptation would like me to Rush my unfolding revelations, the rest needs to wait…

The sun is shining gloriously this Sunday noon; and I need to drink in sunshine and live in the moment…this is how I see authenticity and organic sharing in action…

this is me trusting the process…

This is me over (and above) thinking…

For, don’t you think weed all be better off if we saw dandelions as wishes? 🙂

P.S.  I think there’s only three puns needing context: “I’m Still Standing” is a (1983) hit by Elton John; Refuse-ing pun…Refuse (pronounced “ref-yuse”) is another word for garbage, paving the way for my g-litter pun; Rush is a Canadian band that I remember my brother loving as a teen…at the time, I didn’t share that sentiment…

However, the band/song popped into my head as I wrote what preceded that pun, and when I Googled the lyrics, my breath caught in my throat…

The lyrics speak to exactly what I’m striving for…using my artistic (joyful, painful, whimsical, comedic…) expression to show you—-and me—who I truly am.

For, I’m still committed to using my challenges to help you any way I can.  So, if you can relate, hang in.  Easier days are ahead…

Case in point…today’s Saturday and I’m going to meet my dearest friend for lunch.  And, my next post is in the works and is sunshiny and fun…see you soon, my friends. 🙂

As ever, thank you…

God bless you and your loves.

Affectionately,

Truly