Context:  Driving home from work the other day, the radio backed me up as I belted out Whitney Houston’s, (1986) “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”; and, without skipping a beat, I let sudden tears roll down my face as gratitude mixed with sorrow…

It hit me that back in the day when Whitney was a new and luminous star, I would’ve given anything to be like her…

and, now, decades later,

I’m the lucky one…

It just goes to show that life is sooooo unpredictable…

and that has worked in my favor more times than I remember to be grateful for!

Hello, Dazzlers 🙂

TGIF and WTH! (Thank God it’s Friday, and What the heck?)

‘Ever feel like people are (Michael) landin’ on your last nerve as they drive you to distraction on a Highway To Heavin‘ (the weight of waiting on patience to temper your temper)?

What is it about rotten apples that have me missing life’s mushy sweetness for the trees?

Too ripe for anything but apple snider, how does something as small as a gigantic grapple apple still manage to worm its way under my (ap)peal to my own common sense?

Furthermore, given free will–

thus, able to choose between chips or chard—

why am I choosing to mentally beet a dead horse on a carousel of crazy?

Why, holed up at work on yet another storm day—

no clients to be seen—

am I using my (“Wow, I actually have time for a proper) lunch break”

to make a return engagement to this particular theme bark(er)?

Well, as you returning favorites know,

(and, a huge “Hi and hello!” to any new Delightfuls!),

typically, I propose to answer such calls to action on bended (“Lord, give me strength!”) knee—

A mulling-it-over exercise saved for the weak-end…

But, today, I’ve made the why’s decision to reflect on my attitude of ingratitude in the hear and now.

I’ve just been ticked off by the fact that—when “Y” entered the room and announced they needed a break from work stuff—I shifted the topic of conversation I’d  been drawn into by “X” by assuring “X” we’d revisit the shop-talk conversation once “Y” (oh why do I try?) had had a chance to unwind…

only to find the two of them excluding me as they looked at/spoke directly to each other like I wasn’t even there!

Well, it only took me a couple feeble tries to join in before I started typing this…

Now, I realize I risk coming across as a petty joker, Wonderfuls,

but I’m gonna keep it real by playing the Friends card…

Long gone are the days when I would’ve opted to “…swing from the Chandle-hear“—

hiding behind a repressed…

dressed to impress…

“I’m never stressed”…

smiling facade expertly plastered firmly in place (of authenticity).

But, having no wish to be rude or make anyone feel uncomfortable, I know that shifting my focus back to my computer won’t raise any suspicions.

So, back to my point…

Incidents such as this certainly aren’t few and far between…

and, opportunities for me to go out of my way to please soooo many—to be sensitive to their needs—is an ongoing pattern.

Oh, I’ll add that today (as has been the (bothersome) trend for a couple months) also included a snarky retort from someone I was trying to help…

and others using my sharings to, impatiently, steer the focus onto themselves…and whole other topics.

Now, I get that everyone doesn’t find me riveting (or succinct 🙂 ), but, I’m fully confident that, having learned to pick and choose when to share (in contrast to very consistently and patiently listening/responding favorably to others’ topics of interest), I don’t ask for too much.

And, Lord knows I have a high tolerance for, somewhat understandable, dismissive communications.

I’m able to manage when life-pressures (others’ and my own) fuel a lopsided dynamic—

an imbalanced reciprocity I succeed in bouncing back from time and again…

that is, until the next straw(berry whine) stirs and shakes my desire to break my (camel’s) back being loving to every one.

Speaking of giving and listening patiently, thank you so much, Amazers!!!

And, I hope I’m not going too far by breaking this down a bit further…

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…there is something particularly painful about feeling used and discarded…of that, I am sure we can all agree.

Yet, there are those who continue to rely on others to meet their needs, and…

once satisfied…

they (deliberately or otherwise) don’t give a thought to reciprocating.

For instance, how many times have certain others engaged me in conversation, then, workday ended, promptly left…

leaving me to return to whichever work task they’d interrupted me from…

and, too often, leaving work late?

So, here’s the thing…

and if you can relate, I’m really, really hoping it gives you some measure of increased perspective…

and a—the-world-doesn’t-revolve-around-me—peace-inducing resolve to “do better as you know better” as well. 🙂

(*By that I mean I’m increasingly aware that every one isn’t flawed or gifted in the same ways I am… and that’s a good thing…and, each of us has a right to navigate the world as best we can…

And, I’m also grateful to those evolved souls who (whether they know me or not) uplift me and give me room and direction to grow* 🙂 )

I’m so fortunate to know I’ve come a long way from (people) pleasing those who I could (eventually, if not immediately) see were so wounded that trying to protect their feelings/meet their needs was sheer folly—

as in, I clearly saw them for the takers they were.

At this point in my life,

decreasingly tempted to ignore the truth of things (a bid to maintain connection by trying to “love it all better”),

I’m much more peaceful, much more often.

However, today reminds me (“Not that I’m in danger of forgetting!”, says a harmless Eeyore-ian piece of my mind 🙂 ) that I still need to work on boundaries…

The harder I work, the more work there is to be done…that’s growth…

Yuck!…

and, Yay!

(*Don’t you find it exhilarating when you have a breakthrough, Terrifics?…Well, here’s the wrap up of mine thus far….and, it ties together my opening observation that remembering to be grateful is an “Amazing Grace”!  🙂 *)

Fast Forward A Few Hours:

After work, I vowed to let go of my resentments and remind myself to congratulate myself for being gracious and kind when I felt like snapping back.

Then, unexpectedly, I came across a video chat between (research professor, social worker, TED Talk phenom) Dr. Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert (author of the (2006) best seller, “Eat, Pray, Love”).

I’m paraphrasing, but, Elizabeth said that putting someone on a pedestal does an unkindness/disservice to the other (as well as yourself) because no one is perfect and will eventually do (and/or say) something that disappoints you.

As these two insightful and wonderful souls expanded on that theme, I was so grateful to God for accepting my open-hearted invitation for context, increased understanding, and growth.

What I’ve realized is this:

I need to continue to firm up my boundaries…

and, to put my needs first if it means feeling resentful when others use their wants—not needs, but wants—to take up my time and emotional energy without helping to fill up my depleted emotional reserves (if not immediately, then, in an—it-all-comes-out-in-the-wash—context) .

And, I make the distinction between (self-serving) wants, versus needs, Adorables, because the people I’ve been frustrated with of late do not have any pathological disorders holding them hostage to antisocial ways of getting their needs met…

They are people who have admirable skills and inclinations to be kind and helpful to others.

And, I understand their need to have someone support them…someone to help-the-helper…

We givers are only human after all…

and, in addition to helping others keep their heads above the water, we, too, are paddling as fast and best we can at any given time…

Having said that, I need to work on not allowing people to take advantage of my—see the best in others’—nature…

and, giving them a pass until, cumulatively, they go too far.

And, I’m really starting to get that there are caring others who—absent my considerable level of empathy, sensitivity, and capacity to give—aren’t even aware of how much they are taking…

Even as I write this, I am cringing a bit because I’m afraid it will read as arrogant and holier-than-thou…or, pathetically weak.

But, I’m shaking that off, and leaving what is as it is…

I’m not perfect, and don’t profess to be Mother Theresa…

But, if I start over—explaining myself in a bid to back-pedal my way out of a corner—

I’ll undo the self-compassionate work done by sitting with my discomfort and working through to the other side where humor and emotional intelligence come in to play!

(*Did I mention how cold it is outside?…On the upside, the one thing crankier than me on a rough day is my thermostat…and, higher-than-usual heating bills notwithstanding, I’m happy to have melted into a (mashed/coach potato) runner up* 🙂 )

So, I’ll stop here and bask in the amazing feeling that always awes, delights, and humbles me when I reflect on the surprising words and insights that flow through me when I get my mind write.

Again, thank you for being you and hearing me out, Unicorns…your magic is transformative!

God bless you and your loves 🙂

Affectionately,

Truly

P.S Context for most of my wordplay: Disco Diva turned transcendent songstress, The late Donna Summer, and the incredible Whitney Houston, dazzled me with their talent, beauty, and presence…I love, am grateful to, and miss them still and always; Michael Landon, after staring in “Little House On The Prairie”, had a (1984-1989) heart-warming show, Highway to Heaven (my Heaven pun is pronounced heavin’ as in “heaving”; apple snider (as in snide/rude remark) is my apple cider pun, and mulling means thinking something over, and is also a process of heating, sweetening, and spicing a beverage–commonly, hot apple cider; my (potato) chips or chard pun paves the way for my mentally beet (beat) a dead horse on a carousel of crazy, given that chard is a type of beet (I’ve never had it, it just popped into my mind); theme bark(er) is my theme park/barker pun (barkers call out/entice carnival goers to play games, see side shows etc.); weak-end is a weekend and weakened (state) pun; joker and Friends card make for my playing cards pun, and “Friends” is a nod to (1994-2004) sitcom extraordinaire, “Friends”…one of which is Chandler Bing, which ties in my (“Swing From The) Chandelier“wordplay…and plastered means stuck and drunk…(no longer a party girl, I face things head on–or, at the very least, sober 🙂 )…I love Sia’s (2014) hit song (“Chandelier”), but, you might find the video controversial…so, here’s a cover version…add streaming tears to Steve Harvey’s expressiveness and that’s me every time I watch! 🙂 ; straw(berry whine) is my “Strawberry Wine” pun, tied to Deana Carter’s (1996) hit song, and the expression, “straw that breaks the camel’s back”…there’s also such thing as mulled wine.

P.P.S. While I did start this at work yesterday, I wrote the majority today (each post takes several hours).