(Feb 3/18) “Wit-me (Houston), because (Donna) Summer’s Gone Bye”

Context:  Driving home from work the other day, the radio backed me up as I belted out Whitney Houston’s, (1986) “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”; and, without skipping a beat, I let sudden tears roll down my face as gratitude mixed with sorrow…

It hit me that back in the day when Whitney was a new and luminous star, I would’ve given anything to be like her…

and, now, decades later,

I’m the lucky one…

It just goes to show that life is sooooo unpredictable…

and that has worked in my favor more times than I remember to be grateful for!

Hello, Dazzlers 🙂

TGIF and WTH! (Thank God it’s Friday, and What the heck?)

‘Ever feel like people are (Michael) landin’ on your last nerve as they drive you to distraction on a Highway To Heavin‘ (the weight of waiting on patience to temper your temper)?

What is it about rotten apples that have me missing life’s mushy sweetness for the trees?

Too ripe for anything but apple snider, how does something as small as a gigantic grapple apple still manage to worm its way under my (ap)peal to my own common sense?

Furthermore, given free will–

thus, able to choose between chips or chard

why am I choosing to mentally beet a dead horse on a carousel of crazy?

Why, holed up at work on yet another storm day—

no clients to be seen—

am I using my (“Wow, I actually have time for a proper) lunch break”

to make a return engagement to this particular theme bark(er)?

Well, as you returning favorites know,

(and, a huge “Hi and hello!” to any new Delightfuls!),

typically, I propose to answer such calls to action on bended (“Lord, give me strength!”) knee—

A mulling-it-over exercise saved for the weak-end

But, today, I’ve made the why’s decision to reflect on my attitude of ingratitude in the hear and now.

I’ve just been ticked off by the fact that—when “Y” entered the room and announced they needed a break from work stuff—I shifted the topic of conversation I’d  been drawn into by “X” by assuring “X” we’d revisit the shop-talk conversation once “Y” (oh why do I try?) had had a chance to unwind…

only to find the two of them excluding me as they looked at/spoke directly to each other like I wasn’t even there!

Well, it only took me a couple feeble tries to join in before I started typing this…

Now, I realize I risk coming across as a petty joker, Wonderfuls,

but I’m gonna keep it real and play the Friends card

Long gone are the days when I would’ve opted to “…swing from the Chandle-hear“—

hiding behind a repressed…

dressed to impress…

“I’m never stressed”…

smiling facade expertly plastered firmly in place (of authenticity).

But, having no wish to be rude or make anyone feel uncomfortable, I know that shifting my focus back to my computer won’t raise any suspicions.

So, back to my point…

Incidents such as this certainly aren’t few and far between…

and, opportunities for me to go out of my way to please soooo many—to be sensitive to their needs—is an ongoing pattern.

Oh, I’ll add that today (as has been the (bothersome) trend for a couple months) also included a snarky retort from someone I was trying to help…

and others using my sharings to, impatiently, steer the focus onto themselves…and whole other topics.

Now, I get that everyone doesn’t find me riveting (or succinct 🙂 ), but, I’m fully confident that, having learned to pick and choose when to share (in contrast to very consistently and patiently listening/responding favorably to others’ topics of interest), I don’t ask for too much.

And, Lord knows I have a high tolerance for, somewhat understandable, dismissive communications.

I’m able to manage when life-pressures (others’ and my own) fuel a lopsided dynamic—

an imbalanced reciprocity I succeed in bouncing back from time and again…

that is, until the next straw(berry whine) stirs and shakes my desire to break my (camel’s) back being loving to every one.

Speaking of giving and listening patiently, thank you so much, Amazers!!!

And, I hope I’m not going too far by breaking this down a bit further…

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…there is something particularly painful about feeling used and discarded…of that, I am sure we can all agree.

Yet, there are those who continue to rely on others to meet their needs, and…

once satisfied…

they (deliberately or otherwise) don’t give a thought to reciprocating.

For instance, how many times have certain others engaged me in conversation, then, workday ended, promptly left…

leaving me to return to whichever work task they’d interrupted me from…

and, too often, leaving work late?

So, here’s the thing…

and if you can relate, I’m really, really hoping it gives you some measure of increased perspective…

and a—the-world-doesn’t-revolve-around-mepeace-inducing resolve to “do better as you know better” as well. 🙂

(*By that I mean I’m increasingly aware that every one isn’t flawed or gifted in the same ways I am… and that’s a good thing…and, each of us has a right to navigate the world as best we can…

And, I’m also grateful to those evolved souls who (whether they know me or not) uplift me and give me room and direction to grow* 🙂 )

I’m so fortunate to know I’ve come a long way from (people) pleasing those who I could (eventually, if not immediately) see were so wounded that trying to protect their feelings/meet their needs was sheer folly—

as in, I clearly saw them for the takers they were.

At this point in my life,

decreasingly tempted to ignore the truth of things (a bid to maintain connection by trying to “love it all better”),

I’m much more peaceful, much more often.

However, today reminds me (“Not that I’m in danger of forgetting!”, says a harmless Eeyore-ian piece of my mind 🙂 ) that I still need to work on boundaries…

The harder I work, the more work there is to be done…that’s growth…

Yuck!…

and, Yay!

(*Don’t you find it exhilarating when you have a breakthrough, Terrifics?…Well, here’s the wrap up of mine thus far….and, it ties together my opening observation that remembering to be grateful is an “Amazing Grace”!  🙂 *)

Fast Forward A Few Hours:

After work, I vowed to let go of my resentments and remind myself to congratulate myself for being gracious and kind when I felt like snapping back.

Then, unexpectedly, I came across a video chat between (research professor, social worker, TED Talk phenom) Dr. Brene Brown and Elizabeth Gilbert (author of the (2006) best seller, “Eat, Pray, Love”).

I’m paraphrasing, but, Elizabeth said that putting someone on a pedestal does an unkindness/disservice to the other (as well as yourself) because no one is perfect and will eventually do (and/or say) something that disappoints you.

As these two insightful and wonderful souls expanded on that theme, I was so grateful to God for accepting my open-hearted invitation for context, increased understanding, and growth.

What I’ve realized is this:

I need to continue to firm up my boundaries…

and, to put my needs first if it means feeling resentful when others use their wants—not needs, but wants—to take up my time and emotional energy without helping to fill up my depleted emotional reserves (if not immediately, then, in an—it-all-comes-out-in-the-wash—context) .

And, I make the distinction between (self-serving) wants, versus needs, Adorables, because the people I’ve been frustrated with of late do not have any pathological disorders holding them hostage to antisocial ways of getting their needs met…

They are people who have admirable skills and inclinations to be kind and helpful to others.

And, I understand their need to have someone support them…someone to help-the-helper…

We givers are only human after all…

and, in addition to helping others keep their heads above the water, we, too, are paddling as fast and best we can at any given time…

Having said that, I need to work on not allowing people to take advantage of my—see the best in others’—nature…

and, giving them a pass until, cumulatively, they go too far.

And, I’m really starting to get that there are caring others who—absent my considerable level of empathy, sensitivity, and capacity to give—aren’t even aware of how much they are taking…

Even as I write this, I am cringing a bit because I’m afraid it will read as arrogant and holier-than-thou…or, pathetically weak.

But, I’m shaking that off, and leaving what is as it is…

I’m not perfect, and don’t profess to be Mother Theresa…

But, if I start over—explaining myself in a bid to back-pedal my way out of a corner—

I’ll undo the self-compassionate work done by sitting with my discomfort and working through to the other side where humor and emotional intelligence come in to play!

(*Did I mention how cold it is outside?…On the upside, the one thing crankier than me on a rough day is my thermostat…and, higher-than-usual heating bills notwithstanding, I’m happy to have melted into a (mashed/coach potato) runner up* 🙂 )

So, I’ll stop here and bask in the amazing feeling that always awes, delights, and humbles me when I reflect on the surprising words and insights that flow through me when I get my mind write.

Again, thank you for being you and hearing me out, Unicorns…your magic is transformative!

God bless you and your loves 🙂

Affectionately,

Truly

P.S Context for most of my wordplay: Disco Diva turned transcendent songstress, The late Donna Summer, and the incredible Whitney Houston, dazzled me with their talent, beauty, and presence…I love, am grateful to, and miss them still and always; Michael Landon, after staring in “Little House On The Prairie”, had a (1984-1989) heart-warming show, Highway to Heaven (my Heaven pun is pronounced heavin’ as in “heaving”; apple snider (as in snide/rude remark) is my apple cider pun, and mulling means thinking something over, and is also a process of heating, sweetening, and spicing a beverage–commonly, hot apple cider; my (potato) chips or chard pun paves the way for my mentally beet (beat) a dead horse on a carousel of crazy, given that chard is a type of beet (I’ve never had it, it just popped into my mind); theme bark(er) is my theme park/barker pun (barkers call out/entice carnival goers to play games, see side shows etc.); weak-end is a weekend and weakened (state) pun; joker and Friends card make for my playing cards pun, and “Friends” is a nod to (1994-2004) sitcom extraordinaire, “Friends”…one of which is Chandler Bing, which ties in my (“Swing From The) Chandelier“wordplay…and plastered means stuck and drunk…(no longer a party girl, I face things head on–or, at the very least, sober 🙂 )…I love Sia’s (2014) hit song (“Chandelier”), but, you might find the video controversial…so, here’s a cover version…add streaming tears to Steve Harvey’s expressiveness and that’s me every time I watch! 🙂 ; straw(berry whine) is my “Strawberry Wine” pun, tied to Deana Carter’s (1996) hit song, and the expression, “straw that breaks the camel’s back”…there’s also such thing as mulled wine.

P.P.S. While I did start this at work yesterday, I wrote the majority today (each post takes several hours).

 

 

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28 thoughts on “(Feb 3/18) “Wit-me (Houston), because (Donna) Summer’s Gone Bye”

  1. I’m a people pleaser myself. I too have to set boundaries and also understand that people don’t expect as much from me as I think they do.

    Your coworkers should count themselves lucky they get to spend the day with you.😄

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for letting me know you can relate, Rachel…it is comforting to be able to share and know that I’m not judged…and, I love that you said that there are people who don’t expect as much as from us as we think they do….that’s such a great point! And, thank you for your sweet closing comment…I, too, am lucky 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Hello dear one. First I think I need to start watching Little Big Shots :). Second I relate to this part so much – well except for the long gone part maybe.

    Long gone are the days when I would’ve opted to “…swing from the Chandle-hear“—

    hiding behind a repressed…

    dressed to impress…

    “I’m never stressed”…

    smiling facade expertly plastered firmly in place (of authenticity).

    Please do tell me how you have managed to move from that. Hence my Blog name – Grin and Bear It! I fear that will be forever me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate and enjoy hearing from you! 🙂 Second, what I meant by the part you can relate to is that I no longer chug back drinks in order to create the illusion of being above it all (that’s what the song is about….downing shots to create an illusion of invulnerability)
      I’m working on myself so that I can present with authentic stability and peacefulness….that’s one of my biggest motivators for writing…the process of figuring out how to be all me, all the time 🙂 How about whichever of us finds the magic answers first shares with the other. Deal? haha I adore you, my friend 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Your words regarding the tragic outcome of a bright star (Whitney Houston) brought tears to my eyes and the rest of your post left me nodding…I’m forever shoring up my boundaries…my partner doesn’t know where my capacity to forgive border hopping friends & family comes from…I am getting better with practice and posts like yours are often timely reminders, thank you so much, Truly!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you….the fact that you can relate is so comforting…no one can understand our capacity unless they are the same way…and it’s such a gift to have loved ones who want to protect us, without judging us…a lot of past pain stemmed from not being supported in this regard…thankfully, I’ve come a long way since then, and I’m also forgiving myself for being so hard on myself and for not realizing that my giving heart trumps my boundary-setting challenges 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  4. You blew me away with the first line of your post. Oh, how I could relate. Whitney’s death was horribly tragic, as was her daughter’s. 😦
    I’m proud of you, Truly. It sounds like you are gathering strength to change some mindsets and take care of yourself. Your year is off to a good start!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It’s still so profoundly tragic to think Whitney and her daughter died as they did…I can only imagine how much it resonates for you…and thank you for your encouragement…it makes me feel so blessed and understood, my friend ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Your conclusions are right on the money, Truly. Our abused “inner child” longs for validation, but is a poor judge of who may be willing (and able) to give it. We deserve to secure our boundaries, to protect ourselves against casually inflicted wounds. But it takes a long time to be able to disattach from the hurt and rejection caused by selfish and careless people.

    You should congratulate yourself. You’ve made alot of progress! And you’ve done so w/ grace, style, and humor. Bravo!! ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Thanks for this post… I will agree with you and everyone else on Whitney (although I don’t think I ever wanted to be like her… just “with her”.)

    I enjoyed this read and have two immediate thoughts:

    First… I wait with anticipation for your posts and often read them several times to make sure I have not missed any of the subtleties. I cannot imagine two individuals not taking advantage (in a good way) of their opportunities to talk “non-shop” with you…. do they know that many of us wait each week (sometimes longer) for a chance to hear (read) your thoughts?

    Second… I can be so clueless. I hope I have never made someone feel the way you felt. I do not think about all of this the way you and others do… nor do I give much thought to the conversation “dances” that happen around me. Am I ignoring the “wallflowers”… or worse creating them by “cutting” in?

    I have a lot of self awareness to explore and I appreciate you writing this to make me think.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I can’t thank you enough for including my offerings in the list of challenges/adventures you embrace…I mean it when I say I’m honored that you spend precious time seeking treasures in my writings. And, I love that you are inspired to reflect, but I hope you are never hard on yourself….you are sensitive and kind and sweet…should you ever realize that you’d like to do better in some area, my wish for you is that you’d see that as an additional dollop of icing on an already amazing, glazed cake. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. ‘Even as I write this, I am cringing a bit’… As you said earlier, skip the smiling facade… Let it all out…

    We are here to ‘listen’. As Weird Weekends stated, you have people waiting to read what you write… Givers will understand your need to be real and takers won’t…The takers that do are recovering from the wheels falling off their own selfish journey trying to learn from people that are givers such as yourself.

    I’m reminded of the verse in Matthew that says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

    I look throughout the people I know that are so incredibly giving and the people that have taken from them, I can see so many more people that would line up to help them at a moment’s notice.

    On your journey to set up much needed boundaries, I pray you find rest and someone to be there to give to you. Also know that you can be as real as you need to be with your readers. We’ll understand.

    Thanks for posting… I surely do enjoy reading what you write. You are always thought provoking.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I can’t tell you what a blessing your feedback is…I appreciate it on so many levels…and, I love the bible verse you included (I remember it from childhood). I will leave it at that since my next post will include my reaction to your comment and Adam’s comment (weird Weekends)…but, I’ll add this final thought….I am delighted to imagine I have “readers”, but, I consider you my friend 🙂 Thank you for your support and kindness and unconditional positive-regard 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am looking forward to reading your next post. I try to reply with something worth reading since you give us something worth reading. I appreciate your friendship and I’ll leave you with this… Thank you for being a friend! (It’s hard to convey musical notes here but quick, what sitcom is it from?)

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Truly the comments above are just as moving and profound as your post! I have danced lightly through liking the ones that resonate for me.
    You are such a deeply kind caring lady and boundaries are tough but working thru the violations by typing the post at work, love it! You have the strength to get there and I pray a worthy supervisor? Hang in there girl you are growing by the minute, I can hear it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so very much for your generous assessment and sensitivity…you have such a beautiful heart, and our connection is such a blessing…and, yes, I have an amazing supervisor….she’s making a huge difference for me 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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