Hello, Wonderfuls, as is my way, I share/elaborate with you in ways I don’t in other contexts (that is the unique magic of our connection).
To that end…
Here I am again. 🙂
Context: This is yesterday’s Facebook post.
“Best surprise in memory! The power of a beautiful soul is his or her ability to show up at just the right time…thereby shattering your illusion that the timing could not be worse (messy house, messy hair, barking dogs). Not that this is an open invitation (typically, I dread “pop-ins” 🙂 );but, someone just did and it was such a blessing!!!!!!!!!!!! Completely comfortable, I felt so loved and special…this is a measure of the person’s beautiful and sincere heart…she stopped by on a whim to bring me something she knew would nurture my soul–and did so because another kind soul thought to mention me in a wonderful context. These two people confirm that I am on the right track–for, if I weren’t, I wouldn’t be in the position to benefit from their incredible kindness.”
Okay, Terrifics, if you read my previoust post (and thank you for your sweet and soothing comments 🙂 ), you know I’ve made the decision to love a dear person from a safe distance (and that I mean to stick to it this time).
And, in case you’re so inclined, here’s the link to my previous/related post…
Having said that, I gave no hint of any of this on FB; and didn’t include a link to my blog-post that spoke of this development.
FB and I don’t have that kind of friendship.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade it for something else, but that’s only because I don’t have to. Typically, what I share (there) are quotes/posters/uplifting videos from other people…and, these are priceless…so uplifting…and, if not for FB, I doubt they’d come to my attention.
And, there’s a small core group who consistently acknowledge/appreciate me/what I share—I adore them, and they make all the difference.
Anyway, back to yesterday’s delight.
Oh, but wait….here’s another–hear me go again–digression…
My friend, Adam’s, touching comment on yesterday’s–this-time-I’m-done–post included a “confession” about his (past) response to someone hurting his heart…
And he wrote that he didn’t know why he was sharing it with me…
I responded that it’s a measure of his empathy and caring heart—
for, in the interest of wanting to let me know I’m not alone,
and that he thinks I’m handling the situation admirably,
he was willing to be vulnerable…
he was willing to admit to a human frailty that didn’t reflect the self he wishes he could have been at the time.
Please keep this in mind as you read what follows; for, (in this instance) shining a light on others necessitates highlighting my less-than-glowing-side. 🙂
Had I had known what was coming that Sunday afternoon, I would have done the following:
Cleared left-over lunch (and breakfast!) off my plates, washed the sink (half full) of dishes, swept the floors, vacuumed the living room area rug, opened a series of windows (to let the breeze blow through), gotten dressed, put a bit of make-up on…
(*nope, scratch that last one…this visitor wouldn’t have triggered that kind of insecurity*)
and stored the bag of garbage in my shed, rather than the tiny room that’s my side entrance.
(* “It’s not even a third of the way full, and garbage day’s in two days”, I reasoned to myself…*)
Now, I’d like to chalk my slovenliness up to lethargy stemming from a weary heart…
But, my “house hair”, tee-shirt, pajama bottoms, and (moth-nibbled?) worn out cardigan
(my signature “comfort blanket”)
are par for the course.
The other transgressions can be a hit or a miss (I don’t always strike out, but certainly wouldn’t make the major leagues).
So, that’s how “Angel” found me when I opened the door.
On the upside…
As caught off guard as I was,
(seeing someone I knew in a professional capacity that resulted in sporadic/meaningful work-day chats)
part of my mind registered gratitude that Frosty’s, over-the-top, bone-jarring barking negated any explanation as to why I didn’t invite her all the way in.
She could clearly see him, since a French door reveals good deal of the kitchen,
(*most everything but the kitchen sink…thank you, Lord!*).
Jubilee was visible, too—but, having exceptional social skills, she simply joined in for fear of going unnoticed.
“Angel” smiled an apologetic smile, given she’d acquiesced when her impulse struck;
but her determination to do/be good soon blocked out this distraction…
I’m guessing it also inured her to the discomfort of being enclosed in a small room that smelled like warm garbage.
Her compassion and beaming smile did the same for me…
After initial apologies about my appearance and household mess,
these unfortunate realities faded to the dimmest periphery,
and we chatted same as ever.
“Angel” explained that her (adult) daughter told her I’d apologised about something; and that “Terry” knew I felt terrible (“ashamed” is one of the words I’d used).
So, remembering a conversation we must have had over a year ago,
(“I bought a house across from such and such park—it’s green with a burgundy door…”)
“Angel” stopped by with a loaf of home-made bread and home-made strawberry jam.
Here’s greater context as to why her amazingly-compassionate and thoughtful gesture choked me up, and had me hugging her repeatedly as I expressed gratitude…
When, new to the job, I told a couple of my team-mates that, as I waited to see a client, “Angel” made me toast and jam (both, from scratch),
they were dumbfounded…
and, I smiled at the thought that I have an openness that allows me not to be surprised by others’ really sweet sides.
(Not that I’m taking credit for triggering her generosity…I’m just grateful that she knew I’d appreciate it)
And, here she was—in the here-and-now—letting me know (without speaking directly to it) that I was still worthy of the admiration and affection she and “Terry” have for me.
So, here’s where I tie it all together:
Longer ago than I care to admit, I, inadvertently, let “Terry” down.
I agonized, but pushed away the discomfort until,
unable to ignore it any longer,
owned up and expressed genuine remorse.
Terry was immediately forgiving—insisting, in fact, there was nothing to be forgiven for!
Instead of bitterness, I was rewarded with the benefit of the doubt—
And it was based on past experiences of who I am/my motivations…and, on Terry’s beautiful heart and outlook.
This in stark contrast to my experience of being so good to someone who hasn’t been able to see my “sweet” side for the gift it is.
Past experiences only served to allow for “X” to take my kindness for granted/weakness.
Yesterday’s surprise was, surely, a timely message that letting go (of people/things that hurt you) leaves room for you to hold that which uplifts you (I’m not sure where I heard that, so can’t give credit).
I’m going to hold tight to this assurance, for, even now, my dreamer heart must be gently reminded of why I’m keeping my distance from you (don’t) know who…
Thankfully, for the foreseeable future, I have toast and jam to see me through.
And, of course, Dazzlers, God, and you…and, me.
What would I do without you? 🙂
Until next time (and, ever after),
God bless you and your loves 🙂
P.S. You’d do yourself a favor to visit Adam–he’s as entertaining, unique, and wonderful as his blog 🙂
And, because she inspired me to spend my holiday writing to you while I can, here’s a shout out for
Another beautiful soul, and friend, she will melt your heart 🙂
P.P.S. Neither Frosty or Jubilee bite…both are such loves, but Frosty relies on bravado to compensate for the fact that he’s a big chicken…scared of flies, in fact 🙂