Context: Hello, Wonderfuls 🙂 This is the kind of writing I do for myself…but, given your response to (Jan 22/17) “This Looks Different, But Is More Of The Same”, I share this in the event you’ll find it has value. Other than the title, it’s riddle-less–and, too long to use as Context for my next regular-type post, it stands alone.
It suddenly occurs to me that–where sadness is concerned–retrospections can be misleading in the following sense.
As I look back on how my life unfolded in past decades and decades, I realize that I was happier and more contented than my current/waning grief remembers–and, this is because, for all those years, the bar had been set much lower…I didn’t know, then, that I could have a life such as the one I’m living now…and, even more so, the life that is on the horizon.
And, in the moment it took for this spontaneous spark of insight to coalesce into a flickering flame, I tentatively tested the warmth of its hope…
And, ever curious, I dare to keep wondering/wandering…
I dare to consider that I’ve found a context for nurturing a new neuro pathway–a groove in my brain– whereby revisionist history doesn’t have me trapped in a rut of overblown/ demoralizing reminiscences and assessments.
The simplest way I can explain it is this…
I know how hard I can laugh, I know the depth of delight I can feel, I know how huge my capacity to love is, how abundant my attitude of gratitude….and that I can be loyal to a fault…and (in the past) that fault manifested as exaggerated mitigation–an inflated perception of other’s redeeming qualities.
And, given this knowing, I remember that, blissful ignorance being what it was, in my dimmer decades, I experienced more happiness and connection (no matter how superficially-deep) than my enlightened self could be expected to assume….until, now that is….and, here is where I find that, yet again, merciful solace has stepped up to welcome me….
I conceptualize this as the paradox of my enlightened self being tripped up by the here-and-now view that blinded me to the context of the past…here’s where greater balance can be found as I sort out then vs now…
As a child, the peaches my brother and I secretly snatched from a neigboring tree were the height of warm and fuzzy deliciousness…but, by the time I could afford them at will, peach pie was preferable to anything as plain as a boring old peaches….
However, given the discovery of taste-bud pleasing convenience foods, peach pie was relegated to the lowest rungs a long time ago. This serves as a metaphor for my determined decision, all those years ago, to be the new and improved (cool, popular, highly confident) person I thought I was supposed to be. A quest that steered me down a a painful path. But, there’s another however…
Having had a glut of fast (and junky) food, I find the thought of simple, earthy foods increasingly appealing–this, given their absence; and the knowing that my contemporary choices are emblematic of the instant gratification that sets me so far back in terms of being healthy and strong and able to manage what life brings my way (this is true in a literal context as well).
I’m drawn to the image of me sitting in a comfy, over-sized, over-stuffed chair…feet tucked up beside me as I happily savour the oxymoronic simple-luxury of a sun warmed peach.
Anyway, I’ll consciously leave it here for now, and give my mind time to open itself to additional organic insights…as is the trend, the rest will come to me, through varied mediums throughout the day(s).
Thanks for travelling with me, friends. My sense is, my usual type post (riddles and whimsy) will show up midweek.
God bless you and your loves 🙂
P.S. “The long and the short of it” is an expression meaning “in summary”/”in a nutshell”. The mis-stated expression (different to the one I made up for the title) provided a clue in an episode on one of my favourite British murder mysteries, Midsomer Murders (It began running in 1997 and continues to this day, but I discovered it less than ten years ago).