Hello again, Wonderfuls! 🙂 Since it’s not like me to show up twice in as many days, I hope you don’t mind that I didn’t give you a heads-up…
It’s just that my last post (“This Looks Different, But Is More Of The Same”) has allowed enough (head) room for me to see my way clear to writing something fun.
And since FUN is arguably a euphemism for “a puzzling riddle of mental acrobatics at play“, here are the Cirque du “Olé!” parameters meant to hold it all together.
Context: The Emotional Roller Coaster Paradox.
Increasingly, I’m steered upward on a narrow path for mindful-minded people (yes, I mean you 🙂 ); and with each summit I reach, I realize that, as much as I want to be part of something, I also want to be the start of something….
You see, Amazers, each mountain peek is a new beginning of sorts…a view to greater clarity, acceptance, patience, the capacity to forgive, to love…and (as needed) the strength to go it alone (excluding my connection to God of course).
So, as I create healthy distance between myself and those who are headed in completely different directions, it can feel awkward and confusing to let them go in the interest of following my own destiny–rather than keeping them company as they look for ways to sidestep their own.
(Can I get an “Amen” from those who can relate to the temptations of People Pleasing?…please 🙂 )
And here’s another concession confession….
I’m so grateful to be able to share with you–and have you share with me; but, increasingly, I have to work harder at holding space for the knowing that…
that which feeds my soul, helps me through that which doesn’t…and, that it’s going to take an unknown amount of time, and more hard work, to shift an inherent imbalance.
For, each Visit is like going to a resort amusement park, and trying not to think about the vast amount of (weekday) time spent on The Scrambler…
But, to end on a “Hi” note, I know I’ll get there…and, I’m so happy to “see” you!
Now, for the joy ride 🙂
I’ve found I do most of my best writing when I don’t feel like talking…
except to me, myself, and I that is.
“Self”, I say (even as I address us collectively)…
“You can either be your own worst frenemy—
an old Fuddy Duddy, stick-in-the-Muddy Waters Buddy…
stuck in a rut, and all stressed (out and) up with nowhere to grow.
Or, you can determine to change the big picture.
Which necessitates that you mustn’t avoid taking on blustery storms–.
for, this course of action will have you missing the forest for the (gale-force) breeze.”
So, Endearlings, having sustained a few hobbling hobnobbing injuries of late, the choice has been made (again).
I’m determined not to get roped into re-enlisting in the Navy (blues) Reserves. It’s time to cut the dread (ankle) weight and (about) face the music…
(and this should come as no surprise)
reduces me to an introverted mute ninny as I barge in over my head–trying to decide if I should weigh rancor,
or sail on open (hearted) seas no evil, hears no evil, speaks no evil.
And, said music goes a little something like this…
“Rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby. Rock the boat. Don’t tip the boat over…”
Which leaves me of two minds–a proverbial double (oh-0h 7) agent if you will.
So, while it gives me no pleasure to shed light on the dim view that follows, imagine that my compulsion to share is akin to a (let’s) Bond Girl who,
having resisted Brosnan’s charm,
finds he’s flipped the script and is threating, “Narrate or n’er rate!”
Given this context, I’m sure you can C (*didn’t see that coming, did ya’?* 🙂 ) how I could fall victim to Peer’s pressure.
And, having fallen hard (*”Remington Steel” saw to that*),
here’s how I got you wondering, “Where the heck is she going with this?!”
A New Beginning:
For those of you who don’t gnome me by now, what preceded can’t have been nearly enough to fog-horn-warn you that, when it comes to sharing, I do so at a sluggish…(*ahem*) leisurely pace–for, I’m not your garden-variety mover and shaker.
So, please indulge me as I elucid(step by step of mental debate, think it over and over, then times it by)eight–thereby coming out of left field (of dreams) with a whole other frame of reference for my growth process.
Note To Selves (AKA–Truly’s patented Boggle-ogue):
“Hey, Sleeping Refute-y here! Were you of the understanding that a caterpillar slumbers until transformed into a majestic butterfly?
Well, wake up, soul sister, things are about to get real!
We’ve over-thought our overwrought selves right into the lost-and-found baggage compartment(alized)/section of a higher mental (sea) plane.
Now, before you try to frantically clau(se) your way out of here, rest assured that we aren’t depressed…
we’re just spinning our wheels in a strange vortex of simultaneous mourning and celebration.
For instance, remember driving the other day, and–having invited ourselves to accompany Cyndi Lauper–we went from belting her (1985) hit, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”–to bawling…
But, caught up/off-guard, we rallied in a–show-must-go-on–stage/production of “As The Mood Swings“–and continued to sing our heart out?
(*and, yes, it was broad daylight…and, no, we don’t have tinted windows…and, yes, we live in a small town where anyone could have spotted us and spread word of the crazy…*)
Well, I’ve sorted our dirty laundry, and a good deal of the muddy (Waters) parts have come out in the wash…
At the risk of whitewashing a complex process, I put it to us this way…
You know how we feel things so deeply?
And we’ve come to see that, understood for what it is, our sensitivity is a wonderful gift?
Well, just like having our funny bone tickled for too long makes laughing uncomfortable/ too much of a good thing, our capacity to see and appreciate things on multiple levels can become too intense if we don’t have sufficient time to take breaks as we sort it through.
Consequently, on an emotional level, it feels like we’ve been hung out to dry…
and, understandably, that hurts.
But, seen in the Sunlight, it’s becoming apparent that the Tide has turned….
Caught between our love of nostalgic joys and the pain of the past, we are drip drying…unleashing tears of “freedom within and freedom without”…
but not the kind of “deluge to be caught in a paper cup”…
For, as we give these tears permission to fall away, then the residual hurts will too.
Then, at some point, we’ll have no trouble remembering that, having dared to hit the high C’s, it’s full steam(mer) ahead–and that we are way(ve) better off navigating life’s storms in a rubber dingy, rather than climbing aboard a shiny leaky yacht.
And, as always, Fantastics…I can’t thank you enough for sea-ing me through as I flounder to cover new ground.
God bless you and your loves 🙂
P.S. Context for obscure wordplay: My title serves as a metaphor and word-play homage to “Gilligan’s Island” (a childhood/adult favourite). “Just sit right back and you’ll hear the tale, the tale of a fateful trip…” are the opening lyrics of the (1964-1967) sitcom about 7 castaways lost at sea and trying to find their way home…and a billion reruns later, it’s still going…”A Whale Of A Bait-full Trip” is a play on the expression “a whale of a tale” (meaning, an outlandish story), and Bait-full (instead of Fateful) refers to the puns that I dangle as bait to keep you following me 🙂 ; frenemy is a combo of friend and enemy (I didn’t come up with this one) and refers to supposed friends who you really can’t trust; Muddy Waters is a legendary, American blues musician; hobbling refers to limp-inducing injuries; hobnobbing can be defined as hanging with the popular (mainstream) crowd; dread (ankle) weight is a “dead weight”, and hobbling pun; (about) face the music–“About face!” is a military (Navy) command, and, “face the music” is an expression meaning to take responsibility/face things head on; mute-ninny is a play on mutiny (sea vessel pun) and a ninny is a foolish person; barge is a pun tied to “a dock” (explanation is also a pun 🙂 ); weigh rancor (bitterness) is a “weigh anchor” (sea vessel) pun; “Rock the boat…don’t tip the boat over.” is a lyric from Hues Corporation (1974) catchy hit “Rock The Boat”; Remington Steel, TV show staring an ultra-handsome Pierce Brosnon (1982-87)…his name allows for peer(s) pressure pun; “If you don’t gnome me by now” is a “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” pun (1989, cover version by British band, Simply Red); elucidate means to explain; sleeping refute-y (Sleeping Beauty pun–refute means to disprove a belief); Sunlight and Tide are laundry detergents, making way for “airing dirty laundry” pun, and Tide is also tied to the sea metaphor; “freedom within and freedom without”…catch the deluge in a paper cup“.are lyrics from Australian band, Crowded House (1987) hit, “Don’t Dream It’s Over” (I still love it!)