(Context: As you may or may not know, I’ve been working hard at becoming the best me; and, I’m sooooo blessed to have many express appreciation for who I am, how I care, and how I share. In fact, life has never been better; I’m enjoying many hard-won personal successes! On the other hand, having come this far, I’m surprised to find that I’m as “human” as ever—leaving me to work through challenges found in grey matter(s)…those dimly-lit corners of my mind where things aren’t immediately obvious until you see them…then, you realize they’ve always been there, hiding in plain (in)sight. My latest growing rains have doused me with the realization that clouded judgment leaves me susceptible to a judgmental attitude. Judging me, judging others (especially those who have privilege). And, I don’t mean the obvious, malicious kind of judging…rather, it’s holier-than-that cousin—indignant self-righteousness.)
Well hello, Wonderfuls,
Long time no sea!
See, I’ve been going through changes that have me contemplating what’ll pop out of my mouth…
And since “discretion is the better part of valor”,
Despite “pause for the ‘cause (ramblin’ means gamblin’)”, I can’t resist going to the well once too often…
Thus, opening up wide enough for you to see my lack-of wisdom (teeth) 😊
Alright, time out….here’s context for my wise-ass wisdom-teeth-wordplay….
Those eager beavers—ever chomping at the bit to show that I knew it all—were removed in my early 20’s while I was out of it…temporarily anesthetized to the crap-load of intensified challenges coming my way.
(*Eeeew, Truly! Just because poop emojis are a thing doesn’t mean you can fling poop puns around with the flourish of a carnival barker offering front-row seats to a sold-out shit-show…after all, techno-dolt that you are, you had to Google the spelling of “emojis”….and, you have no idea what 90% of them mean!*)
And, speaking of (Made-Of -The-) Missed-the-boat-gloats…
I’m at home, here in my crow’s nest, busily sailing the uncharted (sea) waters alluded to in my opening—
and sp-eye-ing strange new, “Land ho(ping I can laugh my way out of taking things too seriously)!” For, humor always lightens my spirits.
It’s a sure-fired way of reidentifying myself (a re-forming people-pleaser, no longer hiding in plain (old) sight)…
A, now-I see me-now-I-don’t, evolution whereby I’m still (a good deal) here, but more far-gone than I ever would’ve imagined.
For, much the same way that escapism escapes me when I reflexively filter certain movies through my social-worker-brain,
personal growth is now encroaching on my mindless love of certain songs…
Case in point: The following happened a couple weekends ago when I was on a leisurely drive in the country, basking in the joy of gorgeous weather and a blaring radio.
“Hmm”, it suddenly hit (record) me as I belted out the lyrics, “Everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you…you don’t kno-o-ow, you don’t know you’re beautiful—that’s what makes you beautiful…”)
And, “Hmm” turned to,
“Hey, One Direction!!! This is a romanticized ode to low self esteem…and propagates the myth that a (dime-a-dozen) prince will rescue fair maiden who becomes/realizes she’s a princess the moment he makes her believe, “I’m Everything I Am (Because You Loved Me)”!”
Yes, dear hearts, it got that deep…
And, my super-sensitive sinking thinking went down (Dan) Hill from there…
(*“Sometimes When We Touch” (a nerve)…the honesty’s too much…”*)
“And don’t think you’re off the hook, Miss Guided-Love guru, Tammy Wynette!”, came a nudge from Judge (Rein)”hold it right there, missy!”
“Wynette?! More like, ‘Why Not?!”
“Why not give men credit for having more potential than being ‘just a man’ ?!
Are you serious right now?!
What’s with—‘You’ll have bad times, and he’ll have good times doing things you don’t understand…but, if you love him, you’ll be proud of him…’?!
“And, I’m not saying you “started the fire”, Tammy—
“You didn’t light it, but you certainly didn’t fight it!”
Wow, Delightfuls, this black and white reflection makes my mind-set (on stubborn) very clear…
For, although the peace and harmony part of me tried to interject,
it was drowned out by my escalating rejection of bad-lad ballads…
Yep, having dipped my toes in a self-congratulatory “Wellspring (into action, Trules, and “Tell It Like It Is”!”), no anc-her could slow my roll…
“And, here we are in 2019…same old, same old…ripples across-the-pond proof that unhealthy love songs are “Alive—and Kicking” (Simple Mind’s self-worth in the butt)”.
“But”, reasoned the loyal music lover in me, “no need to throw the “baby (I toxically—I mean—totally love you”) out with the bathwater…Don’t fall into the—“I hate most in you what I hate about myself”—trap.
(*Oh, how I love increasing self-compassion*)
“I get”—I gently assured myself—”that you’re no longer like a gullible band-aid (easily ripped off by those selling romantic lies), but give Tammy a break…it was 1969…we’ve come a long way from “boys will be boys”…Boyz II Men solidified that trend!”
And, that’s how things work in my world, Lovelies…
Two weeks later, I’m able to expand my understanding that personal-growth/awareness had become tangled up with triggers…and I needed time to safely consider that “toxic” love songs are vital because each of needs to be met where we are at any given time….
we all need messages we can relate to…
we need to feel we aren’t alone, and that someone understands our pain…
That’s what makes suffering tolerable.
And, once pain is no longer sapping our hope for better days, our chances of choosing to move through growing-pains increases exponentially…allowing us to grasp healthier conceptions of the true love (whether romantic, platonic or both) we deserve…
As for “You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful”…a wonderfully-catchy tune…it deserves the benefit of the doubt.
So, I’m re-framing it in a healthier way… “You are humble and genuine, so you know that your outward beauty is not the best you have to offer…that’s what makes you even more beautiful…”
Hey, I didn’t say I’m beyond weighing in on things no-one’s invited me to share my opinion about…but, a work-in-progress, I’m delighted to find myself just where I am. 😊
And, for being here, a huge thank you goes out to you, my treasured Inspirations…you are unequivocally-appreciated!!! 😊
God bless you and your loves.
P.S. In case my word-play references are too obscure, here’s additional context:
Still Crazy After All These Cheers is my (Paul Simon, 1975) “Still Crazy After All These Years”, pun (such a wonderfully-sensitive and deep song that, and upon hearing it again just now, I realize he briefly makes reference to his introversion and his immunity to the foolishness of love songs!!!); I was under general anesthesia (unconscious) when my wisdom teeth were removed; Made of the missed the boat gloats is a Maid of the Mist/Niagra Falls/bragging pun; one definition of Crow is “bragging”, and—in nautical terms—a crow’s nest is an elevated lookout point on a ship—and if the sailor (or, pirate) in the crow’s nest spies land, he calls out, “Land ho!”; You “Don’t Know You’re Beautiful” is One Direction’s (2011) hit; “I’m Everything I Am (Because You Loved Me)” is Celine Dion’s (1996) hit; “We Didn’t Start the Fire (it was always burning since the world’s been turning”) is Billy Joel’s (1989) hit; “Sometimes When We Touch (the honesty’s too much, and I have to close my eyes and hide…)” is Dan Hill’s wonderfully-sensitive and deep (1977) hit; “Stand By Your Man” is Tammy Wynette’s (1969) hit; “Tell It Like It Is” is Aaron Neville’s wonderfully-sensitive and deep (1966) hit; ripples across the pond is my ‘snow-ball-effect’ pun/nod to Britain (expression “across the pond” often refers to England); “Alive and Kicking” is Simple Minds (1985) hit—they’re from Scotland, which is also found “across the pond (Atlantic Ocean).