Glimpsing a hint of sun, I opened my living-room curtains to a bright white sky. Not the blue-hue I was hoping for, but–given winter’s insistent presence–it’s a welcome sight all the same…
Well, in all fairness, winter has every right to be here…it’s her time; but, stubbornly, I’m not always seamlessly accepting of reality.
‘Ever feel that way? That you know you’re being unreasonable, but you don’t care?
‘Puts me in mind of that song, “It’s My Party And I’ll Cry If I Want To”…
a glass-half-empty, it’s-all-about-me, cutting-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face attitude.
So, thank goodness for weekends—a-just-meant opportunity to get my mind right.
“And what is it that has you feeling stubborn today?” (*asked of self with an exaggerated eye-roll*).
(*self is tempted to resort to immaturity…”Mom, I won’t stop looking at me!”…but, I take the high ground*)
“Don’t angst me; but if you’ll stop the mental equivalent of an impatient finger-tapping-stare-down I’ll figure it out…doo-doo head”.
Yep, that’s about the size of it. I’m feeling okay enough for my sense of humor to weigh in, but I’m not floating on cloud nine…
(*That’s not a dig, winter-white sky…I really am sorry for that time I said you were a two at best*).
“Focus, Truly…or, shut it down.”
Sorry, friends…this is what spontaneity looks like today…but, I’m here…
Right! That’s what matters. I’m here, I’ll figure out what I want to share, and I’ll be better for it. And, that’s the point.
Okay, so…my prediction regarding work is coming true.
For months, I sensed an impending shift, and explained to colleague-friends that I was drinking-in the work-team in anticipation of departures.
Happily, this ignited my celebratory, sentimental, and grateful attitude (*read as, I gushed with intensified declarations of adoration 🙂 *); which tempered my sadness at the thought of more goodbyes.
I’ve never been good with goodbyes…
Correction, I’m so relieved when toxic people move on…and, for years, that’s the predominant way I was freed from unhealthy connections.
Trapped by a misguided sense of loyalty, and an over-identification with others’ pain, I became guilt-ridden at the thought that they wouldn’t have anyone to show them love and kindness. Thankfully, that faulty thinking isn’t an issue anymore (not that I’m aware of, anyway).
But, when it comes to life-enhancing people, goodbyes suck. Especially in a career that forges stronger bonds by virtue of being in the trenches together.
The other day, I shared with a co-worker/friend that–given the mental toll–it’s no small thing that our team continues to care for each other so much.
Speaking for myself, on trying days it’s a good thing that appreciation prompts me to dig down deep rather than wallowing in, “I hate everybody”, negativity.
And, I don’t mean that, literally…I’m not given to hate…but, I can have a profound capacity for suppressed irritability when overwhelmed/emotionally-drained. On really rough days, “f-bombs” pepper my internal dialogue like snowfall..it’s to my credit that MANY would be surprised by this! 🙂
And, it makes my heart smile to know how many friends I’ve shared this with lately. Trusting the process of revealing more of the “human” in me is surprisingly fun and stress-relieving!
Thursday, at the end of the workday, “B” and I weighed fast-food options, and were reduced to hysterics when I stopped short to announce that I couldn’t go to KFC because of my morning drive-through escapade…
(Tim Horton’s for an extra large hot chocolate, and Farmer’s Breakfast Wrap (sausage, eggs, cheese, hash-brown and tangy sauce); and (a good ways down the street) Burger King for pancakes…Try not to judge: I didn’t eat the wrap itself. I simply needed its insides to complement the pancakes and maple syrup mashup that would power me through a day I knew wouldn’t allow for lunch-break. No fault of my employer…).
Giggles turned to guffaws, and guffaws to painful, exhausting belly-laughs as we spiraled down a rabbit hole of how greedy and undisciplined we’d become having ditched our (short-lived) commitment to drinking X number of glasses of water daily…a well-intended self-care initiative that we’d tossed aside like…like…like my morning wrap. 🙂 )
As I contributed puns, “B” unleashed witticisms–and when he squeaked out the title of songs that could comprise the soundtrack of our “movie based on a true story”, we collapsed onto work chairs.
Now, I can tell you…you don’t get to laugh that long and hard without the prerequisite strain of prolonged over-whelm.
And, that’s how I’ve been successful at my current job (my fav so far)…Just because we work in a helping profession doesn’t mean we have it all together. But, we find ways (individually and collectively) to decompress and grow so we can continue to provide ethical and skilled care. 🙂
So, as additional co-workers move on to timely opportunities, I’ll remember the Dr. Seuss quote–“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”.
Also–if “B” is secretly entertaining dreams that (any time soon) will have me smiling through tears as I wish him the best–he has another thing coming 🙂
Anyway, that’s all for now, Terrifics. I hope what I’ve shared is relatable/helpful on some level…thank you for being you and for being here. ❤
God bless you and your loves.