Context: When reflecting on a rough time you’ve come through, self-compassion includes refusing to tell yourself it was nothing to get all dramatic and worked up about; for, that’s an easy criticism to level once the hard work’s been done. No one likes a reformed (fill-in-the-blank) who—safely distanced from struggle—smugly preaches/invalidates the experiences of those yet to be liberated by insight, support, and success.
To that end (grateful for my forward momentum, but a work in progress nonetheless), I continue to display my—however unfashionable—(hem-ming and hawing) lines and lengths I’ll go to as,
“Hi-low-hi-low, it’s off to perc I go…”
(* “On A (Don’t Be) Snide Note”, Says Me, a name I call myself*)
“For now, forget the harsh business of being in your head, Yule-y Truly”.
“With Christmas behind us and New Year’s pending, let’s get down to trade(ing) secrets—not wallowing in patent-ed (on-the-other-hand) emotions that try to convince us that if we’ve conquered a hurdle, it wasn’t one in the first place!”
“Living out loud is a vulnerable quest, bound to reveal the messiness of Butter-Finger-Fragments of understanding that need time to percolate…to marinate…to ‘double, double, toil and trouble…’.”
“But, rather than waiting until we’ve figured everything out (no such thing), we can take solace in a wits hunt that amusingly spells out the ways we are resilient…a metaphorical exorcise (Linda) blared from the mountaintop that’s helping others as well!” 🙂
And, to that end, Dazzlers, I offer this retraction-abstraction to illustrate my point…
I vow not to hide Me, Myself, and I behind (cell) phone(y), carefully (witch) crafted selfies that are in actuality, self-ish (as in, somewhat reflective of us—minus the filters, careful angles, lighting, re-take after re-take, and series of practiced facial expressions reserved for nonchalant beauty and a happy-shiny-people persona).
“And, Self”, says I, since we’re keeping it real-ish,
“Let’s not greet the New Year by turning to face it mid laugh, and
(with faux surprise)
announcing—in that cliched, ‘Oh, hello, I didn’t see you there!’, way…
“What’s that, 2018, you love my attitude? This Auld thing? It’s so last year!’ ”
“We’re not gonna New Years (h)Eve ourselves off the couch to get dolled up in a quest to convince 2018 we’ve changed overnight!”
“(When morning rolls around) We’re gonna face the coming year head on and announce, ‘Contrary to your situation, I wasn’t born yesteryear’… ”
“And, I’m not (completely) naive, so I know you must have heard some things.”
“I also know lots of people are clamoring for your favour—hoping you’ll make all the difference in the world…”
“But, why don’t we take it day by day?”
“Become friends first…warts and all…before deciding on a year long commitment.” 🙂
Here’s where I make (non)sense of my retraction-abstraction…
I’ve never posted a selfie—and I am not criticizing anyone who does. The above snippet was inspired by the inexplicable re-circulation of a four-year-old Facebook profile photo a couple weeks ago. Admittedly, though a bit unfocused, it was very flattering—owing to a full complement of make-up, a great outfit and accessories, a bright smile…and the patience of the person who took it (retake after retake). 🙂
But, I must admit, I was uncomfortable with the thought that Facebook friends would think I reposted it in a fishing expedition for additional (very flattering) compliments.
Anyway, what I started out saying was this:
Despite acknowledging/dealing with ongoing emotional strains, I’m doing my best to celebrate the brighter side of this process…
And, as ever, the joys and blessings that are always present (if somewhat overshadowed at times).
As such, sporadically considering losses and betrayals (whether real or imagined), my latest assessment is this:
It’s not “revenge that’s a dish best served cold”
(a plan I haven’t been entertaining, I might add),
—it’s Letting Go!
So, taking inspiration from the mashup of an old-school nursery rhyme, a contemporary/instant-classic, and the eclectic pairing of Justin Timberlake and the diva of the decade…
A (mythical) duo I’ve dubbed, The Charmer and Adele…
I’m twirling and Dizz-ney with delight as I revolve—er—resolve to embrace their re-vamped hit (feat. Vanilla Ice),
“Hi-ho the Dairy-o: Let It Fro, Yo.”
(Fast Forward Four Days—a day-long blizzard is raging.)
Speaking of den-eye-ing reality, I don’t like what the inside-looking-out views have in stor(m), so, I’ve closed my living room curtains and cranked the heat to a tropical temperature…
You see, following the lead of supporting actor, Richard Drey (I’m all about the) fuss’ character—
(an ambitious psychiatrist who learned hard truths in his quest to pull the wool over the public eye)
my plan, yet again, is to “take a vacation from my (‘What About) Bob’-lems” by “wasting away again” in an all you can sleep (Jimmy) Buffet…
Fast Forward 30 minutes…
So, Amazers, it turns out that prescription was a recipe for disaster given that I’ve got no appetite, and Mr. Sandman must be on a tropical vacation of his own…
And who can blame him?
However, I’m left here to stew…no comfort there…for, it is too full of down-in-the-dump-lings!
And, let me spare you the trouble of trying to delicately ask what ever happened to my Di-ZEN-ey vow to Let Go of cares and concerns, my friends.
That particular bout of bubbliness was (air) lifted by a preceding week of vacation/staycation relief—
(Hole-up) time to myself that mitigated the winter-days and confused (by waning ambition) condition that many friends and colleagues are wrestling with as well.
Now that I think about it…for the billionth time, it seems…
That’s a big part of the issue!
With a significant number of my work teammates having moved on to other positions—
And other bright lights being away from the office for extended periods of time (as in weeks, and in one important case, months)—
office morale has been lowered at a time when chilly office spaces have reduced our voices to hoarse, throaty (feelin’ the heat) registers octaves lower than we’re used to.
Try as we might, we don’t always have the stamina to pull off soprano (“Home, Home On The) Range” for the long (winter) haul…
Having taken the majority of our vacation time in the summer, we can’t hit the high notes like we’d like to/used to.
But, wait, Lovelies one and all!
Here’s where I can turn it around (and around) and regain my sure-footedness!
I’ve been here before…winter is no surprise and spring is sure to follow with summer (“I’m sailing, I’m) sailing!” behind…
In other words, “This, too, shall pass”…it always has and always will…
And, now that I’ve remembered, I don’t need to A-dwell on this (what’s the) matter (and how do I fix it?) any longer (today)…
If I put my mind to it, I can simply “Let It Fro, Yo”—
Safe (cracked up) in the knowledge that I don’t need to over-think (*too late 🙂 *), or over-explain (*no regrets: this was a lot of fun!*)…
I can make like a Beatle and “Let It Bee”…
bumble along as I might,
I have so much to be grateful for…and sharing with you always reminds me of that…
So, as long as I can write, Loveables,
I believe I can fly…
And I’m going to take 2018 along for the ride of our lives 🙂
Happy (and other emotions, too) New Year!!!
Thank you for being wonderfully you, and God bless you and your loves.
P.S. I think I’ve kept the obscurity of my wordplay relatively limited, but please let me know if you need more explanation than I’ve shared… “hemming and hawing” is an expression meaning one is indecisive—expending energy making back and forth arguments or looking at/for road blocks without ever resolving the issue; hi low, hi low is wordplay on (Walt Disney’s) “Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs”…the dwarfs cheerily sang, “Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work we go”—such great role models, weren’t they? J; “Double, double, toil, and trouble” is a line from the witches’ song in Shakespeare’s play, Macbeth; to exorcise can mean to “get rid of something troublesome, menacing, or oppressive” (thanks for that succinct definition, Miriam Webster dictionary), and Linda Blair was the lead in the (1973) horror movie, “The Exorcist”; This Auld thing?—the word Auld is pronounced “old” and is found in the traditional New Year’s Day song, Auld Lang Syne; Frozen yogurt (a dairy delight) is known in cool circles as Froyo…which makes way for my (2013) Disney movie, “Frozen”– “Let It Go”–pun; Richard Dreyfuss and Bill Murray star in “What About Bob?” (1991), one of my favorite movies…and one of my favorite scenes is neurotic Bob announcing, “I’m sailing, I’m sailing…”–and the camera pans out and we see that he’s lashed to the mast. 🙂