First things first…I love that you’re here, Fantastics….thank you so much for showing up 🙂
Words At Play. Proceed with caution(ary tale), and t-read lightly as you follow my lead. For, given the sharp turns to follow, you’ll immediately find yourself skating on thin ice if you try to skim the surface.
And, Loveables, I hope I didn’t sound bossy just then, it’s just that, continuing the theme of my usual type (Times New Roman, font–12) posts, I hope you come to understand— the magic of my offerings lies in my sleight of write….
….a things-aren’t-quite-what-they-seam(less) approach to the (off)hand is quicker than the (mind’s) eye trickery.
(BTY—“seamless” pun is not evidence of bragging: it refers to (depending how you look at it) a lack—and/or an overabundance—of mental boundaries…not evidence of literary genius 🙂 ).
Are your skates tied nice and tight, friends? Okay. Here we go…
So, as per, Amazers, today I found myself at a loss as to how to share what was yet to reveal itself.
And, while—initially and internally—eye rolls ensued, I can’t say there was nothing Bonnie about this “Total Eclipse of the (st)Heart”.
For, once I found merit in my melodramatic inability to (Colonel) muster a Clue to the mystery of where to begin, I
(*with a flourishing wave of my hand…a la Mr. Rourke/Fantasy Island style*)
said to my Gloria(s) self,
“Self, it’s time for some, “Free Your Mind“, exuberance by way of reverting to the nostalgic days of Laura-Brand again…”
“Come on, Spectacular Wise-Cackler”, enthused I…
“Tease your hair!”
(*Electric) Slide over to the gilded mirror, stick your tongue out, and wave a can of Final Net hairspray around with your finger hovering tantalizingly above the spray nozzle…*)
“Don we now our spray (on) apparel!”
(*Throw-back reference to (super-tight) pink stove-pipe cords, and Greece! spandex pants from Dec. 26/16, “Crude Looks Like It’s Lazy…” post*)
“Put on a pair of silver ankle boots!”
(*with heels as high as our dashed hopes for our (then) best friends and us marrying best friends and living next door to each other for life….*)
“Then, we’ll tackle this thing with all the ambitious adolescent folly once reserved for holding the last note of, 1980 power-ballad, “I’m All Out Of Love”.
(*FYI self, we’ve all but come to accept that, “My breath’s too abate to say that I was so wrong”*)
Okay, My Precious-es….If you’ll allow, I’m hitting the Pause Button to make a couple points:
For those wondering, “Why oh why must it be this way?”, my tendency to talk to (me) myself (and, I) is not a ploy to be dismissive, or to invite you over for a meal and then eat in front of you (so to speak)…
My (coping) strategy is the written equivalent of not being able to look you directly in the eye as I share my unravelling first and second thoughts….
Speaking of which…
If Snoop Dog can make up words in the name of artistic license, surely the Graham-ar police can’t (out of) cite me for using the word “abate” out of context…
(*Hmm, I wonder…is it just Snoop now? I can’t keep up with what’s En Vogue these days*)
Any old who, I think the bigger issue is the “irony” that Air Supply’s huge hit causes fans to (literally) run out of melodic breathing room…
But, I digre…
Oh, and speaking of ironic, here’s a shoutout/call-you-out to another awesome talent…
“Hey, Alanis, I’m quite sure you’re as amazing as you sound, but, there’s no “i(rony)” in conundrum”.
No condescension intended, but let me spell it out for you 🙂
An example of irony is—A teacher announces that it’s time for a spelling bee, and…
a bee with black-framed glasses, and a yellow and black striped shirt (with requisite pocket protector) flies into the room and spells a word as long as an Air Supply-lack-of-breath conundrum that’s exceeded only by the amount of time spent resenting the fact that you’ve been offered a “free ride when you’ve already paid…”
To put too fine a point on it, “rain on your wedding day…and the good advice that you just didn’t take…” is, by definition, an–“I can’t believe my sucky luck”–problem…known in fancy circles as a conundrum (not to be confused with those boring old mistakes we make over and over–otherwise known as ho-hums and conun-dumbs).
However, Lovelies and Lovely Laddies, just as “Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony…” there are always vast arrays of ways for people to see eye to eye if they choose to…
So, I invite all on Team Alanis to come join team Pick-Apart on common (sense-makes-the world-go-round) ground.
If we pool our collective compassion, we can bolster our hopes for growth by walking a mile in another’s shoes.
For illustrative purposes, may I suggest that Kramer be our role model, given that he is, inarguably, a grand conundrum-defier if ever there was one?
Very kind of you 🙂
For those unfamiliar with the sitcom, “Seinfeld”, the Kramer character (part of an ensemble cast) has
(but can afford a really nice New York apartment),
(but has loyal friends even after serving them a meal that included veggies he rinsed while taking a shower),
(he confidently paraded around town in a woman’s fur coat),
and no boundaries…
(he isn’t the intended star of the show, but whenever he unceremoniously barges into Jerry Seinfeld’s apartment (which is the only way he ever announces his presence), the studio audience bursts into applause).
However—and here comes the entire post-tie-in…
There’s a hilarious episode (aren’t they all), where—obstinately-determined to prove he still has the body of his youth—Kramer Wranglers himself into a pair of dark denim delights…only to find that,
the too-tight jeans have restricted all lower body mobility!
As he lurches around—all stiff-legged, like a modern day Frankenstein (with his trademark Bride of Frankenstein hairstyle)—a series of embarrassing calamities ensue….and it is all Kramer can do to get out of them.
The moral of this cautionary tale is this, Wonderfuls:
Don’t fall for the mainstream, one size fits all, approach to being your best you, and living your best life…For, (literally and metaphorically) trying to hold on to what used to–and/or what we are told is supposed to—fit doesn’t allow for growth…
For, nothing ironic about it, such is the stuff of life’s conundrums and iron-knees.
So, taking a page from band, Blondie’s, (1980) songbook, I end with this…
“The Tide is High“—so, be careful what you fish for, you just might net it…and find yourself in over your head over eels….
As always, Wonderfuls….I am sooooo grateful for our connection, your time, and your support.
God bless you and your loves.
Affectionately, Truly 🙂
P.P.S. Context for the more obscure wordplay:
Sleight of write is a play on Sleight of hand” (the term most often associated with magic/magicians (the-hand-is-quicker-than-the-eye redirection that allows them to (wonderfully) pull the wool over our eyes); Bonnie Tyler has a hit with (1983) power ballad, “Total Eclipse of the Heart “; Clue is a 1949 murder–mystery board game, and Colonel Mustard is one of the characters; “Gloria” (1982) is another dramatic power ballad (I love it still) sung by Laura Branigan; “Free Your Mind” is a 1992 hit by girl (power) group, En Vogue, and “why oh why must it be this way?” is a line from that song; the Electric Slide is an old-school disco dance; Final Net is an old-school hairspray (if interested, Google “70’s commercial for final net hairspray” and you’ll get a great frame of reference for big haired expectations 🙂 ); “Don we now our spray (on) apparel” is play on Christmas carol lyric (“…don we now our gay apparel, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la); “My breath’s too abate (“abate”as a verb, refers to diminishing) to say that I was so wrong” is a playful stretch on “I’m All Out Of Love”‘s last line, “I can’t be too late to say that I was so wrong”; Graham-ar police is a pun in that duo Air Supply consists of Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock; Alanis Morissette has a 1996 hit, “Ironic“, and “it’s like rain of your wedding day…and the good advice that you just didn’t take” are lyrics from that awesome song; “Ebony and Ivory” is a 1982 hit/ballad sung by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder, and “live together in perfect harmony” are among the lyrics; Wranglers are a brand of jean (back in the day when Levis jeans reigned supreme, Wranglers were their undesirable, uncool (and much less expensive) poor relations. Wrangle can also mean to wrestle (as in wrestling oneself into a pair of (no-stretch) pants no one has any call to be trying to fit into 🙂 ); be careful what you fish for, you just might net it is a play on the expression, “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it”, and–find yourself in over your head over eels is a play on “head over heels”; iron-knees is a wordplay tied to the visual of Kramer being unable to sit down or bend his knees when wearing aforementioned tight jeans.