Well, hello, Patience Personified…I’m back 🙂
So, last you heard, I bought my (modest) dream (big) house.
That–biggest purchase I’ll ever make–has inspired the post that follows.
And, I really don’t mean to sound obnoxious or unappreciative when I share that there was a time—shortly after I moved in—that I was struck by the realization that “too much of a good thing” can be too much of a good thing.
(Thankfully, emotional drainage—made extra intense given the novelty of being in this position—was, relatively short-lived).
In my experience, any number of changes can be challenging—but, I’ve come to learn that sudden/unexpected changes–even wonderful ones–can engender a special brand of ambivalence.
On one hand, while they leave no time for the anticipatory fear that might steer one away from (as Brene Brown so aptly quips) “Daring Greatly”—there’s something to be said for the hesitation that allows for weighing pros and cons.
So, at the risk of you rolling your eyes (as you might do if someone lamented that no one takes them seriously because they are too beautiful, or because they are so wealthy that they don’t know who loves them for them versus their money)—I share the following.
Perhaps my experience will cause you to reflect on a time(s) when you found yourself in the weird position of falling somewhere along a continuum of privilege…
that fine line where “Survivor’s Guilt” is at one extreme;
and, “You shouldn’t have” (when, all modesty aside, you really believe they should’ve) is at the other. 🙂
Dear, Dire Me,
I’d like to report that, finally, we know one thing for sure; but, as it stands, we’re leaning towards two…
(Which, understandably, you might imagine is twice as good.)
And—as much as I’d love to attest that, hands (up and) down, you’re in for a pat-ourselves-on-the-back, story—herein lies the rub…
Unexpectedly finding—and buying!—a dream house has triggered a blindsiding, and mind-boggling, Wham!bivalence…
And this has inspired the latest chapter in our comic strip-us-of-a-simple-life (“Oh, The Places You’ll….D’oh!: What Was I Thinking?”).
And, since late night ruminations leave us no one to chew the fat with, I’ve made an executive decision, and opted for a Double Bubble instead…
(*Chewsing to substitute the pink, powdery gum (that, wrapped in a comic strip, delivers its message through thought bubbles) seems especially fitting, given that my competing thoughts are over our heads*).
As such, until I’ve worked out whether glorious dream, or Shakespearean tragedy, here goes much askew about nothing…or, a great deal of something:.
The last clear thing I remember, Violet No-regard (AKA, Impulsivity) was gleefully flapping her gum(s) about how we should, “Go girl!—while, from a distance, Reason (who was trying valiantly to usher in a herd of over-heard words) warned, “Wake me up before you—uh-oh!”
Now, Violet can be a royal pain, but on the other hand, there are times when one has to consider (although, allowed very little time to do so) that her hairbrained schemes might be just crazy-good enough to work.
Hence the conundrum…
Not entirely sure whether we’ve just won the Pigs Can Fly Lottery—or, lost the gamble of a lifetime—I’m left pondering…
Is our bacon well and truly cooked? Have I pinned our hopes on a porker who’s jumped out of the flying pan and into the mire?
Have you and I boarded a George/Jefferson Airplane—thus, ensuring new heights?
Or, are we soon to crash land in a (go-ask-Alice) hole; where we’ll find that our piece of the pie is a humble bumble-berry (house of cards, about to) crumble?
Have we become a (house) poor little rich kid—soon to be longing for our days as a richly- peaceful poor kid?
Could it be that we’re among the chosen—legitimately strolling the halls of a Dream Academy?
Or, upon being confronted by a monitor demanding to see our (U)Haul pass, will we be (old) schooled in the repercussions of self-deception?
This is a real cliff hanger, better half…we’ve either boarded a Love (my Life) Boat…or, I’ve allowed haste to hijack our happiness—making us crew(s) members on the Pirates of the Carabiner.
And, if I’d known I was going to (yet to be determined) have us dive in with both feet—or risk walking the plank—to be sure, I would’ve taken a deeper breath…
(*And, here’s where I bring the pity party home*).
This just isn’t fair….everything went so swiftly-perfect—and, now, hind-sight anxiety (fitted with pop-bottle glasses, and always ready to stick an oar in) scoffs, “If-it-seems-to-good-to-be-you, I wouldn’t hold what little breath you have only to find you’ve landed in hot water…and, you’ll earn no reprieve by crying over spilled milk!”
Well, you know what?!
“It’s my (disparity/despair(ity)) party, and we’ll cry if I want to!”…
Well (given that the jury’s still out)—cry—and/or do a series of happy dances while clapping along, given our knowledge that happiness is the truth.
I guess I do know one thing for sure, and there’s no avoiding it, Ducky…success is not for the feint of heart
Just as, “…great power comes with great responsibility.”—otherworldly super-blessings require a measure of faith sufficient to banish deservedness-doubts…
Hey, wait….I get it!
Reminding myself that “God is watching us from a (safe) distance” has brought the truth home:
Above-and-beyond gifts are not to be regarded as bullets to be dodged—rather, they are mercies to be embraced wholeheartedly.
Yes, Loyalists, a resolving saving-grace reveals itself yet again…you knew I’d get there if given a chance to let my mind unravel.
How can I thank you for listening…always listening….
Oh, I know how…God bless you 🙂
P.S. “Walking on Sunshine” (Katrina and the Waves hit); “Wham!” is an 80’s band; “Oh, The Places You’ll Go” (Dr. Seuss); “D’oh!” (Homer Simpson); “chew the fat” (an expression meaning–to talk with); “Much Ado About Nothing“(Shakespeare play); Violet Beauregarde (gum-chewing brat from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory); “From A Distance“(Bette Midler hit song); “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” (Wham! hit song); George Jefferson (Sitcom…he “moved on up…to a deluxe apartment in the sky and finally got a piece of the (American) pie”); Jefferson Airplane (lyrics…”go ask Alice when she’s ten feet tall”); Dream Academy (8o’s band); “Pirates of the Carabener” is a pun tied to cliff hanger–a carabener’s a tool used by rock climbers; stick an oar in is an expression meaning to” but in”–it’s a pun tied to Love Boat and pirates reference; “It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To” is a 1965 hit song; “Clap along if you feel that happiness is the truth” (lyric from Pharell’s hit song, “Happy”); Ducky, and dodged are puns tied to feint (of heart)–feint means to make a deceptive or distracting movement–tie-in is that you must face super blessings straight on; “God is watching us from a distance” (lyric from “From A Distance”).
P.P.S. I’ll have internet on Saturday, and I am sooooo looking forward to spending my weekend reading and commenting on your blog posts….I can’t find the time at work…I wrote this post at home. This time apart has made me realize that you are even more precious than I thought 🙂