(Feb. 10/18) “Thanks For Seeing The Best In Me…And, Liking Me Anyway!” :)

Context: “No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.”  Alice Walker, author of Pulitzer Prize-winning (1982) novel, “The Color Purple”.

Hello, Dazzlers,

It’s such a beautiful winter’s day…saucer-sized snow flakes are leisurely descending to earth in a synchronous slow-motion ballet, and…

(*smiling to myself*)

I just spied a couple who, determined to stay entwined, are navigating an exit snow bank at the park across the street.  They put me in mind of children committed to a three-legged race.

In case you’re not familiar with this right of pass(the summertime)age, each pair’s inside legs are lashed together, and the goal is to cling to each other and co-ordinate lurching strides in a race to the finish line.

The lovey-dovey snow birds are tethered only by arms linked around bulky parka-ed waists, but, the charmingly-awkward effect is much the same…

Anyway, that momentary detour over,

my mind returns to the thought at (no-need-to) hand (me a tissue…I’m okay, now).

I’m reflecting on a single comment that spelled the “ding-dong”,

“Bang -a-Gong” Show demise of a “Wicked”relationship.

And, how—

“There but for the grace of God go I”—

compassion notwithstanding,

I just couldn’t find my way back from being told,

(by a life-time someone who doesn’t have the capacity to understand where I’m coming from)

“Don’t turn this into one of your stories.”

And, this person didn’t mean a story of the written kind…

She literally was referring to my verbal response to the mind-blowingly toxic information she’d (a moment before) casually flung at me.

Although reeling with shock and revulsion,

I knew I had to handle the situation delicately.

See, the thing is, knowing her pattern of vilifying others—

followed by her detailed reasons why she needs to maintain relationships with them (and, why I—“In the name of God’s love, Truly”—should, too).

I knew to handle the situation as delicately as I could.

In a split second, I decided the best course of action was to defend her while deflecting focus from the alleged transgressor’s action…as in, “If only so-and-so could realize how worthy of love and respect you are…”

That’s as far as I got before her crazy-making insult shut me down, and backed me into an unvarnished

(*Wooden’t you know it…

Hear we go again!,*) box.

And, in this very moment it strikes me that she knew, on some level, that—stuck—I’d (reflexively) revert to a people-pleasing script whereby,

rife with pent up humiliation and incredulity,

I’d end up doing nothing more than punctuating her one-way conversation with two syllable acknowledgements that I was (“When will this phone call ever end?!…and “I’m never doing this again!!!”) listening.

Not that I think she considered (at that moment) that I wouldn’t speak to her again…

Given her (wounded/wounding) need for control,

and, our pattern of years’-long-estrangements—

followed by re-(re…re…re..)connection agreements that she’d no longer fill my ears with soul-sucking assessments, grudges, and gripes involving mutual loved-ones…

And that she’d stop telling me about/justifying why she doesn’t stick up for me when others put me down (*people I haven’t seen in decades, who live worlds away from me, and know little about me beyond what she might be filling their heads with…*)—

I’m confident she was so busy counting on my forgiving heart she couldn’t sense that there was no coming back from this one…

No idea that, internally,

mystified-resentment roiled and spewed like a volcano.

If she had that level of sensitivity and empathy, I wouldn’t have the need/ability to finally stick to my decision to love her from a world of distance.

I no longer feel even a twinge of guilt, shame, loss, or fear of judgement for feeling/sharing this, dear listeners.

And, in case it’s not lost on you that I shared this—once very painful (and multi-sequeled)—chapter fresh on the heels of recounting an idyllic winter scene…

I don’t mean to ambush you with a dysfunctional type of communication…

I hope you see this as evidence of continued-desire to contribute something of value to your hearts and minds…whether it be the comfort of knowing you aren’t the only one,

or, validating your hope that you are making an important difference to people you’ve never even seen,

or that, even people who have so much to be grateful for, aren’t immune to the challenges inherent in the human condition.

And, I hope you see my abrupt shift as my increasing-ability to integrate life’s lovely grey areas…

Those magical, perspective-enhancing times when you sit down to share something deep;

and are struck by a fleeting,

here-and-now,

joy-inducing moment best savored before getting down to the business of heeding one’s instincts to air the truth out.

And, speaking of joy-inducing…

While I am sure that,

if I haven’t yet,

I’ll give a shout-out to each of my core group of blogging besties…

Today, I want to single out two merried men/fathers who consistently encourage me to be brave!

https://dadsviewpoints.wordpress.com/

and

https://weirdweekendsblog.wordpress.com/

And, not that I relate to them as father figures,

but, having grown up without one, I sooooo appreciate that they wear their hearts on their sleeves where their children (and wives) are concerned 🙂

Among my favourite writers, each contributes a uniquely- textured brand of wonderful.

In response to last week’s post, their comments included (and, not for the first time) the heart-warming assertion that they eagerly anticipate (and read/re-read!)  my “thought-provoking/enjoyable” offerings…and, that I shouldn’t ever change or worry about what I share…

So, I’m sure, Delightfuls, you can see how—in contrast to someone who’s known (*scratch that*)…

been conditionally-connected to me all my life—

I am beyond grateful for those who don’t insist on reducing me…intimidating me…using control and emotional extortion to steer me into voicing only uplifting and unconditionally-complimentary communications.

Having exhausted every possibility I can endure,

I’ve finally accepted that my soul can’t navigate any terrain meant for my (briefly) tolerated leftover utterances—those truths that seep through the expectation that I don’t confront diminishments meant to “keep me in my place”—

For my authentic place is where my unfolding truth and growth is…

And, Lord willing, I’ll have much more to say.

In the meantime, thank you for hearing me out…helping me out…uplifting and inspiring me, Wonderfuls!

You are gifts beyond measure; and, I’m wishing you a peaceful Saturday and moments of utter delight (even if it’s in response to having been in your pajamas all day…)

(*Yes, I’ve been in my uber-soft Christmas pj’s all day! 🙂 *)

God bless you and your loves.

Affectionately,

Truly

P.S. Today, I kept my (perhaps obscure) puns to a bare minimum because I wanted to be sure to get my thoughts out in one sitting…as opposed to breaking the writing up over a couple days (as it is, this took me all day to think through/write in a share-with-others context :)).

“Ding dong!  The witch is dead” is a song from the (1939) movie, “The Wizard Of Oz”;“Get It On” is The Power Station’s (1985) cover version of the hit (1971) song—“Bang A Gong” by the band T-Rex; and “The  Gong Show” (1976-1978) was a “talent” show where all manner of dubious performers auditioned in front of a panel of celebrities who banged, rather than “boo-ed”, contestants off stage.  It was hilarious 🙂 ; “Wicked” is a long-running Broadway musical I would looooove to see, and is based on the (1995)  Gregory Maguire novel, “Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch Of the West” (Thanks for the info, Wikipedia)…it’s the story of the demise of the (best-) friendship of the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda the Good Witch…The person I shared about today told me a few months before the final blow that I was her best friend…it was one of the best (and, long-awaited) days of my life…that’s probably what gave me the strength to move on–knowing I chose to/overcame this final heartbreak in light of her inability to approve of, or love me in a healthy way.

P.P.S. To end on an even higher note…here’s my (restricted-viewing) FB posting from a couple days ago:

Today, I calmly spoke up for myself in a really significant way at work–evidence of professional (and personal!) growth…

And the icing on the cake is, not only was I supported once I did, but I was thanked! and commended on how sensitively, succinctly, respectfully, and well I did it. Cake never tasted so sweet 🙂

I share this for 2 reasons:

  1. In order to celebrate my gains.
  2. As an example of the difference caring people make when they give others room to grow and bloom according to their own unique colors.

I’m really, really grateful 🙂

 

 

 

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31 thoughts on “(Feb. 10/18) “Thanks For Seeing The Best In Me…And, Liking Me Anyway!” :)

    1. Thank you, my friend…what a super-kind thing to say! And, you gave me a startle…having read your last line, I was worried I accidentally copied the wrong link…that dry wit of yours… 🙂 And, yes, today’s a great day…I trust yours is, too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Robert… I am a man… I asked my wife and she confirmed it… (You can never win in an argument with her)

      Plus I am a man without nail varnish… hmm I wonder if you can make your own nail varnish?…

      (on the side I did check out Robert’s blog “levishedated” and he is an excellent read! I highly recommend checking out his blog!)

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Robert definitely is awesome…and funny! Glad you guys have checked each other out…ahem…you know what I mean (that was my version of you kinda’ funny, Adam…it sounds much funnier when you do it 🙂 )

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahaha – I know what you mean – no point in arguing with my wife either. 🙂
        The only thing that threw me was the nail varnish on the shot of filling up the dye bottles from the fridge. No offence meant at all. 🙂
        Good to hear from you – how’s your day going?
        Respect – Robert.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. oh… ya… that was my daughter’s hand. Thanks again for stopping by… gave me a chance to find your blog and writings… learned a new word today thanks to you… “Evapotranspiration”… now I have to figure out how to use that in a sentence…

        Liked by 1 person

  1. This is the part I gravitate to when you write: or that, even people who have so much to be grateful for, aren’t immune to the challenges inherent in the human condition.
    That’s me! Guilt and stress wound me. I’ve been in pjs all day myself but not cozy ones. Ratty feel sorry for myself worried ones. I wallowed. But tomorrow is another day!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Bless your sweet, sweet heart. I really feel for you, my friend. If I were there, I’d offer to give you a hug…and/or hold your hand…and invite you to tell me about it…guilt is gut-wrenching and clingy, isn’t it. Having enviable things doesn’t deprive you of the right to your feelings…when I’m in that space, I hold on to the desperate hope that morning will bring a bit of relief….and, little by little, it gets better until the day comes when you find yourself smiling more than suffering. Those days are ahead for you…in the mean time, hanging in there is an act of bravery that I know you nail each and every time (including today!)…you’ve got this ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks Truly. Virtual hugs and hand holding are in order. I appreciate you and your sweet soul! I’m uplifted and feeling less guilty. Permission to feel my true feelings is something I’m working on. Reading your words really help.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m happy to know you feel less burdened…you said it…giving yourself permission to feel your feelings gives the painful ones less power….feeling guilty for feeling guilty is a double does of super crappy…your sensitive heart always and unequivocally deserves a break… 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hey, you, I ‘m nodding “yes” again as I read your words…kudos to you for taking a stand and making the choice to love this person from a distance…it’s a life-long practice! Your posts never fail to leave me more aware, they’re often very timely and leave me feeling that I have a friend out there in the world no matter what’s going down in my world…thank you, Truly!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thanks for your words. What a beautiful world it would be if we reached for love instead of hate and division at first. If we embraced our commonalities as well as our differences. I know it’s a pipe dream but it would be a lovely world indeed.

    It reminds me of a song by my favorite band. One of the lyrics is “No revolution, maybe someone somewhere else can show you something new about you and your inner song.” So true I think.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love your descriptive writing, Truly – I’m imagining those beautiful snowflakes fluttering outside!
    Wow, you are brave and I am so happy you shared your innermost feelings with all of us. It inspires and helps everyone find their own courage. One of my favorite lines for my own life is: “Take the best and leave the rest.” It seems that’s what you are doing. You can leave those people behind that suck your energy.
    Wishing you a beautiful weekend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a fantastic post and shows how “truly” poetic you can be. I especially like the following

    “Those magical, perspective-enhancing times when you sit down to share something deep;
    and are struck by a fleeting,
    here-and-now,
    joy-inducing moment best savored before getting down to the business of heeding one’s instincts
    to air the truth out.”

    SO relatable and so well written…. although I rarely share anything deep and am currently just enjoying the shallows!

    Thanks for the call out for my blog… In a world of “Being” versus “Doing”…. Being a father sure overshadows anything I have ever done.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow…thank you!!! I didn’t think of my writing as poetic until I saw it through your eyes…but, I can see what you mean, now. I think writing can be like losing or gaining weight–you might not notice because you see yourself all the time (and have taken to wearing drawstring pants and hoodies. haha…not that I am, but I think you get my point). As for the “shallows”, they have magical depths 🙂 And, I’m not surprised by your take on fatherhood…I could’ve bet anything on that 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Saucer-sized snow! I love it! It’s the giant kind that make you want to stay curled up in your jammies all day. As much as I am ready for slightly warmer weather, there is something peaceful about watching snowflakes that big fall to the earth.

    Thanks for the image of the couple, I had a great laugh envisioning the two of them trudging through the snow while trying to stay connected at the hip.

    Thanks for sharing. You wrote in a way that made me feel like I was there listening to your soul being sucked right out…

    It made me want to tell the soul-sucker that high school is over and that kind of drama should have been buried long ago…

    I suppose growing up is hard though…

    You have too kind of a heart! This is your space to write but you gave a shout out to my blog… Thank you! I appreciate it. I’m actually humbled by it… My long pauses of writing laced with random stories and conversations with my kids.. Thank you again!

    I’m looking forward to your next post.

    P.S. Fist Bump and a High-five! As hard as it is there are times when you need to speak your voice.

    Like

  7. Almost two years ago did our paths first cross Truly; that was my first thought at seeing your post in my close blogging friends reader list. The second was toxicity and love at a distance. I know this struggle; say one small thing and suddenly a world of self justification dialogue flows at you. A veritable avalanche of words with no rhyme or reason. I found myself nodding at length as I read the lines.

    As always you have a particular gift to articulate the feelings in a way that shows strength. One can only try, but if the person is hell bent on giving nothing back then personal welfare must come first.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have been slacking of late Truly. It seems to happen in January and February for some reason. Possibly the winter months affect me more that I once thought. Once I see warmer days getting closer things start feeling more positive. Although snow is good for breaking up long days of grey!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I, too, find winter-grey-days challenging…however, there were a couple days this week when the air held more than a hint of spring, and my mood became effortlessly elevated. Life feels really good, lately. I’m grateful for that 🙂 I’m happy to hear you are feeling optimistic as well 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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