(Sept. 25/16) “You’ve Got To Fight For Your Right To Part-ee!”

Context:

Hello, my little chickadees 🙂 It’s now Oct., 2/16, Sunday afternoon–and, as we speak, I find myself propped up by my fowl-weather friends–Big Bob and Robert Downy Junior…

Oops, forgive me for resting on my Laurels (and Hardy)…without visuals, that was one (of many) lame jokes.  However, please believe that the swing-and-a-miss was of the feather-pillow variety…no harm intended 🙂

Anyway, I’m in the middle of my bed, in the middle of the afternoon–and, as I reflect up on my memory foam mattress–I marvel at its many restorative properties…in this instance, those that empower me to successfully (bed)rail against the lure of total-grievance-recall.

As such, I now find myself inclined to share my latest paradigm shift.

However,

(*Hmm, it suddenly occurs that howevers are an inescapable feature of my growth…*)

However, since I’m evolving in (keepin’-it-) real time, I must take a moment for a digression-confession…

Two Fridays ago–laid low by indignance, with little humility in sight–the origins of this post were far a-field (and fountain, moor, and mountain) from where you find me now…there was no royally-shining moment to follow!

And no joke!  I’m talkin’ far a-W.C.-Field(s) (Weak Constitution)-mind-fields…my eyes spouting a (soaker) tub’s worth of tears. ….”One-moor-snide-remark-and-I’m-gonna-blow-my-cool”…and, the snow-ball-turned-mountain-pique from which I could surely see that, yet again, I’d gotten the shaft.

(*Or, so I thought*)

Here’s where it all started…

Diary,                                                    Sept. 25/16 (*stewed over for a week prior*)

No time for pleasantries today, I’m afraid…

Suffice it to say that:

  1. Friday came just in time…
  2. I’m in a big fat hurry to find a way to stop being mad at the whole world…and,
  3. I have to do it before the weekend’s over!

So, fair warning over…consider me the keynote speaker at a wicked queen convention for two, ‘cause here comes my Groan Speech…

Dear Es-steamed Cohort….

In this moment, things stink and Sting; so, if you really want to help, puh-leese start by telling me how—yet again—I find myself in this predicament…’cause, no matter how many times I remind myself, “Not my circus, not my monkeys”…

(*which is to say—no matter how much distance I try to put between me and senseless drama…*)

when the far-flung dung hits the fan, too often I find myself vigorously dodging monkey “doo-doo (doo-doo, da da da da”)!

And, given your familiarity with my frustration-induced gibberish, “that’s all I’ve got to say to you” for you to guess which drama-fan I’m talking about…

In fact, there are two…

Kudos, you got it in one…those frenemies mine, Miss (‘Heard-A-Rumour) Anna (Bananarama) Feilding, and her uptown sidekick, Virginia Eldorado, AKA, Ginny (I ❤ Carbs) Carb-arino…

And yes, I’m aware that—given my sour mood—the Ginny Carbarino/Vinnie Barbarino wordplay is a bit of a low/hypocritical blow— but, you know darn well that Virginia might as well sport Dallas/Cowboys-sized shoulder pads to accommodate her “can’t-have-just-one” (salt ‘n’ vinegar) chip on her shoulder…

So much for escaping old (high)school(esque) rivalries…how is it that no one else is picking up on the “Welcome Back, Kotter”/ The more things change, the more they stay the same” vibe that’s going on?

What ever happened to common consensus…and, sense, us?

Lord knows I do my best to have the best intentions!  But, I can only take so much before their crazy-making loco-motives have me derailed–subjected to tunnel vision, while trapped on a crazy train that’s fuelled by the stream of steam billowing from my ears!

I mean, who chooses to be so miserable, so often?  They wear their welcomes out like they’re sporting the latest fashion…and, “don’t think me unkind”, but the fashion Police should site them for contempt….

Make no mistake, days like today, it’s so tempting to resign myself to single-handedly transforming the office into a call-them-out centre…

And, that’s as far as I’ll take you friends…I’d like to say it ended there…but, I can’t.

However (oh, at times like these, such a glorious word 🙂 ), as tongue-in-cheek as I tried to be, I saw through to the distastefulness beneath–and didn’t have the heart to post my pickle-flavoured M&M’s (moanings and musings).  Passive aggression is cowardly; and it would be indefensible to use you that way.

So, I will end here with closing context…

Flawed, I stumbled, and was brought low by an ongoing series of others’ seemingly-inescapable (direct and peripheral) negative energies and utterances…

(A vulnerable optimist’s Kryptonite)

…and clarity eluded me much longer than I care to admit…

So, now comes the part where boundaries, understanding, and compassion (for others….and myself) regain their rightful focus….there is more work to be done.

And, another time, I’ll tell you how “Zootopia” (which I watched today, shortly after this long-sought “a-ha moment” occurred to me) was an answer to prayer.

And, how, between this post and the P.S., I watched Joel Osteen on TV, and his message was all about not allowing oneself to be distracted by negative people…we’ve got destinies to fulfil!

Until next time, God bless you, my loyal and kind friends 🙂

P.S. Part-ee (as in, depart) pun–“You’ve Got To Fight For Your Right To Party”–Beastie Boys/1980’s hit; My Little Chickadee” is a comedic W.C. Fields movie (1940); fowl weather friends is a nod to down pillows. the expression  “fair weather friends”, and actor, Robert Downey Jr.; Laurel and Hardy/comedic duo from late 1920’s to mid 1940’s; far afield means “far from”, and “field and fountain…” is from “We Three Kings”/ Christmas carol (‘not sure why that occurred to me :)…and is another nod to W.C. Fields…so is “getting the shaft” (weak constitution/ wheat shaft pun)….; Groan Speech is a Thrown Speech pun; I don’t know who came up with “Not my circus…”; Sting is the lead singer of The Police (puh-leese), “doo doo” is euphemism for poop (and “poop hitting the fan” is an expression…this is the G-rated version)–and “Doo doo doo doo, da da da da” is a 1981 hit by band The Police, and “that’s all I have to say to you” are lyrics from that song; pique/peak pun (i.e. fit—of anger); “I Heard A Rumour”/1987 Bananarama hit; “Uptown Girl”/Billy Joel Song, and Virginia is the girl in his “Only The Good Die Young”;John Travolta played high school student, Vinnie Barbarino, on the sitcom, Welcome Back, Kotter (975-1979…theme-song lyrics “…welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out.  Welcome back, to the same old place that you laughed about…”); “Don’t think me unkind…” lyrics to aforementioned Police hit.

P.P.S. I work in a great office…I used it as a fictional context to illustrate my point…and, the fictitious “frenemies” comprise an amalgamous archetype of persistent pessimists.

 

 

 

20 thoughts on “(Sept. 25/16) “You’ve Got To Fight For Your Right To Part-ee!””

  1. I am not sure that I understand 100% what is going on in your world found down stream of the poo fan…. but I want to add my words and hopefully I don’t make it to your list of salt and vinegar chips.. (love them… an no I can’t just have one).

    I use to find myself following your 3-step program often (1-friday 2- hurry to find a way to be mad at the whole world… etc…). Here is the game I play with myself now when I find myself with no time for pleasantries…

    First… I remind myself that during a very low period of my life… I made a promise to myself not to let anyone change the way I act or the way I feel… and especially who I am. (when I say anyone that excludes myself and God… and sometimes my wife.)

    Second… When I have a “negative” emotion… I tell myself…. regardless if it is “just” or “justifiable”… that plain and simple… I feel that emotion… and I let myself feel… I just don’t let myself act in a way that I consider incorrect… even if it is justifiable (can’t kick the cat anymore)

    Third… I let my self-esteem grow knowing that I can feel something but that the feeling or the cause of that feeling is not in control… I am. When I feel like I am loosing that control battle I turn to my patient and loving Heavenly father… He seems to get it…

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    1. Thank you so very much….allowing for the negative emotions is such a wonderful reminder…and, yes, God always sees me through the muddle and confusion….your wise and compassionate response is further proof that you are someone God uses to bless others in many–and wonderful–ways 🙂

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  2. Hey, you! This is hilarious – who gets to be this eloquent when they’re royally miffed? Laugh out loud funny. Thanks for letting humor soften the storm – you’re on the right path. It’s so hard in the moment to let go. But a little distance, and surrender usually catches up with us. Great job!

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    1. Thank you….you made my day…when we can find a way to the funny in the struggle, we win. You don’t know how much I appreciate your comment…it feels like triumph…it feels like vindication…as you say, I made it through another storm. I had negativity coming at me from so many fronts, and, to top it off, I wasn’t connected to social media/the blogosphere–a wealth of creativity and positivity. I’ve seen what a toll that can take on my psyche. Thank you for being so especially generous 🙂

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      1. But that’s what we’re here for! I know what you mean – I derive such affirmation from the happy support of the blogosphere 😀 But to date, I haven’t really explored too much of my negative emotions. So props to you!

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  3. Ahh, the negativity cataclysm…absorbing subconsciously the energy of another and letting it seep undetected until its power takes over and poof….hello hole and the world turns red. Mindfulness at strategic points in the day can assist. Return to the moment and focus on breathing. Release the last event and prepare for the next. Sounds incredibly easy doesn’t it…

    On an aside Laurel and Hardy…how long is it since I thought of them and the ability to say “I’m never doing that.” Cut to next scene and guess what? I recall absolutely no foul language either! If it’s funny then it requires no low level dressing up.

    I hope the angst is now a dream from last week and life us now springing forwards again!

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    1. You understood exactly what happened…and, lesson learned…I need to stay connected to the blogging community in order to be sure and get my extra doses of postivity 🙂 And, yes, the angst is last week’s time of trial and I am better for finding my way through it….lastly, I, too, had forgotten about Laurel and Hardy until my writing triggered the pun that brought them to mind…that is one of the things I love about writing…I never know what it’s going to dredge up from distant memories 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

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      1. I listen Truly, read between the lines and see the bigger picture. It saddens me to see friends down. Empathy is a very powerful thing. You are right about the blog community too. It is a very positive place. I’m glad you have moved past the angst and remember if you ever need to rant, message me yes?

        I think the art of memories is to think on the happy ones. It’s very easy to drag up and dwell on the bad moments. In so doing we often miss the surrounding ones that are way better. I tried that in my two memoirs as a positive experiment in creating an elegy for my friend 😊

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      2. I know you read between the lines, and I know you know, first hand, what it’s like to deal with “frenemies”…however, given that I am sometimes loyal to a fault, I think experiences, such as the ones I’ve come through, are God’s way of helping me to move on in order to make room for those who uplift me, even as I uplift them….you are one such person, my friend 🙂

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      3. Good choice of words. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies in tolerating and being nice to the point of heavily influencing our own states of mind. Experiences are there to be learnt from. Providing such experiences are not being repeated then one can consider learning is going on…if not it’s a Bart Simpson repetition Doh sequence 👻

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  4. I tend to soak up emotions more than I care to admit. So I got invited to a wedding of my niece a few weeks ago. I sent the response card back with a “NO”. And I mostly fine with that response because 1) I have said 2 words to my niece my entire life and her to me, 2) I don’t know anything about her nor she I, and 3) I don’t like weddings, drunk people, and family I never speak to but once every 10 years. No thanks. But, my sister decided to guilt me about this response as is typical of her in other scenarios too. So I started second guessing myself. Am I being a jerk? Maybe I should go because i’m being selfish? God would want me to love, right? nevermind the fact that hanging out with my family for any amount of time leads me to two days of solid depression from them saying things and me feeling left out of things. Both sides of my family are great at the sin of omission. It’s not bad if they forget to invite me, forget to call me, forget I exist most days, right? But then when weddings or death occur, I’m supposed to just show up and be “family”. Whatever. So yes, this weekend after the guilt trip special on the menu, I turned into a crazy lady myself until I could get a moment of clarity and realized what happened. Sometimes it’s so subtle–the manipulation and toxicity of their behavior. I know they don’t realize they do it, but they do. I got a nice card for my niece and a gift card and I will send her that but I stand my ground and keep my NO as a NO for the sake of my sanity. If they want me in their lives, they can pick up the phone, email me, talk to me on facebook and be in my life like a real human being, not just because we share DNA. THE END. LOL

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    1. Amen to that!!!!! You are preaching to the choir….it can be so painful having to choose between sanity and conformity….but, God knows what we are going through…and the challenges that befall us as a result of how sensitive and empathetic we are…loving others from a distance is a challenge that I am determined to master….yes, it takes practice, trial and error…but, if you feel depleted by spending time with others (family or not), that is a sure sign that we need to protect ourselves…that’s when I up the prayers, aware of my own vulnerability and susceptibility to manipulations and guilt. Thank you for sharing this with me….it really helps to know that the effort to move beyond the toxicity benefits more than just me…and, you have really encouraged me with your courage and determination. Thanks, Elle 🙂

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      1. I have a hard time–do you?? trying to go to God when people have treated me so crummy. I don’t know why that is. It’s like there’s a major road block between God and I. I’m too hurt to go talk to Him. Not just with family, but anyone really triggering a painful thing for me and then days later, I can finally pray. But it stinks that it takes me so long, you know? It’s like I should go to him right away. But instead, I feel too hurt to. One family member made some really bad comments about me a few weeks ago and I handled it really well overall, just stated facts and didn’t get all emotional. But praying and going to God and reading the Bible was very hard for me. I think because I’ve been beat up by words my entire life. I just struggle to believe that God could really love me in those moments. I have to process out the junk that was said in order to go to God. Otherwise I just have nothing to say to God at all. I don’t know if I’m angry at him–why did you allow this? Or if I’m just feeling like he feels that way about me too. It’s very hard. I think it prevents real healing for me because I can’t seem to get over the hurdle to go to him right away. I’m not sure if others feel that tension but I certainly do.

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      2. I’m no expert, however, I know it is hard to be self-compassionate if you have been bombarded with negative messages…I hear that you are trying your very best to deal with so much, and I believe that God loves you, wants the best for you, and is there for you even when you don’t seek Him out in times of abject suffering and confusion. He never abandons us….He understands….and, I also believe that you are healing…pain doesn’t mean that you aren’t making progress…I hear you saying you are challenging the negative messages family members are hurling your way….you are being assertive…we can’t change it all, or do it all at once…you are doing so much better than you are giving yourself credit for…but, you are learning to be your own best friend…you are learning to trust yourself, so try not to be so hard on yourself…you are brave and you are trying…that is all you can do 🙂

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      3. Aw well thank you! That is very encouraging. I forget sometimes that it is a process and healing takes time. Coming out of the fog is not a one time event. Thank you!

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