(Palate Cleansing Word of Warning:

Thanks to the influence of Agatha Christie’s, “Poirot” (a French-speaking Belgian detective), you’ll need to digest the first half of this post slowly…very slowly…

And, try taking a big picture approach to reading as I wax (-on-wax-off) prophetic…

And if you’re already feeling clueless—but, have a bit of an adventurous side—those who’ve read my Pryor posts can attest that you have nothing to lose but the time it takes to walk on the Wild(er) side. 🙂 )

                                                        Les Consider-ablers…

Crème bru-Hey, mes amis , and cheers to you!  I am so pleased for your return, for you are the “Norm!”/norm that is missed 🙂

If you would please to join me, you are write on time for the bruh-huh-huh-hunch. 

This mid-meal is adored in the less-sir…non, non—unknown French Quarter, where they speak Ventura-Puh-Leaze…

(Also, a dash of the English, and much of what is called the “jibbair-jabbair”…and when others speak of this dialect, all is said with the (dinner) roll of the eyes.)

Any old…how you say?…Hoot? (the “t” is silen)…

At the risk of repeating my words, bruh-huh-huh-hunch roughly translates to — “the feast of brain-bust-errs and scrambells”…and these are so full of hilaritee, they might double you ove…

Ah, but of course!  Because your little grey cells cannot be fooled, you have caught me with the hands so red—and, I cannot deny I made that last/funny part up…

But, if you please to pardon moi my French, many is the time I find Monsieur Jim Carey’s hue-mare irresitdabble…for he convinces me that a caricature fictionale can dream 🙂

So, we continue on, my Cherie a s’mour(s).

For starters, today’s me ‘n’ u boasts the exotic French toast…

(Okay—time out…I have to break with character for a sec.  Admittedly, given the lag between the set-up/greeting and French toast, this pun is not the best thing since sliced (dunked and fried) bread, so if you didn’t get it, I get it—but I’m hoping you won’t sneak out of this wiggle room, or shimmy through the loop hole…onward, pleas…not much further to go…)

This buffet of buffoonery also includes”, “How Stella Got Her Smooth(ie) Back” (featuring Lemon Sorbet)…also, the “Eat, Love, Souflee”…and the appetizing Pepé Le Pew—an aromatic black and white cookie so magnifique, you would circle the globe to pursue eat…

Speaking of the French revolution, I must protest, for I cannot keep up this repartee much long-gare…

But, if I might please to suggest, hear are raisons to listen with the hue-mare a little while long-gare…

1:  In its entire-tee, this has been a lot to swallow, and, perhaps not so with you, but I am full of it…

2: So, while admitting de-feet leaves me without the leg (of the frog) to stand on, I escar-know (and, Non!) my limeats!

(Did you see that neith-err indelicacy was on the menu?  That is surely to count for something, non?)

3. Also, no need for the criticism harsh—for, if the celebrity can name their little one Apple, surely Lemon Sorbet is not so much the stretch!

4) And, last and accent ceased…my hair is not nearly long enough for the chignon, so here ends the French twist…

And just like that, we are back to my uni-lingual brand of ludicrosity 🙂

Yes, wonderfuls, because “Your Bliss Is On My List”—and ‘though it may earn me no respect, no respect—I’m taking the high road to the danger (field) zone.

Ever Cruising for a Top Pun, and, despite George Costanza’s objections, it’s time to (Anthony Michael) haul (and Oats) retro frames of reference out of the vault….

(By the way, I realize several posts include nods to Seinfeld, but that doesn’t make George and I writing partners…and, with all due respect, I saw what he didn’t bring to the table when he and Jerry partnered up, so, he can keep his criticisms to himself…)

Oh, and here’s another random thought…

Rumour has it that—at this year’s Lilith (“Weird Science”) Fair—they’re building a Mr. Heed…a masked super hero/auctioneer who will unquestioningly do his owner’s bidding… …but that sounds like a (Kelly Le) crock to me…

For one thing, the whole idea’s as controversial as a recent headline I, came across…

(All right, Poirot…you caught me…I made it up…)

Stand-off At Playground: Monkey Bars Access To Slip And Slide Slippery Slope…And Nosy Parkers Wander Where This Will Lead!

Now, before you accuse me of embarking on one of my flights of fancy…

Okay, okay….accuse away…but, if you’ll please hear me out, I can get to the point of a hard-won—and long-overdue—cautionary tale about the folly of people pleasing…and, you’ll have lived up to the title (in a good way) 🙂

A Tale Of Two Bitties..

In valiant pursuit, and employing laser-beam-like precision to hold Barbara Bales in her sights, little DeeAnne Darling stepped off course, turned her ankle, and skinned her knees.

But, denying her pain its due, the big-hearted little girl limped at a frantic pace, convinced that, innocent to the ways of the world, Barbara would unwittingly come across a bump in the road, and stub her toe.

So, (court) jesturing with all the gusto she could muster, Dee-Anne called out to Barbara.   And, failing to get her frenemies attention, Dee-Anne used up precious energy juggling self-recriminations and  new-found empathy for fire-breathing dragons.

(The exotic layer of increased-compassion was a consequence of the burning in her ravaged throat.)

However, not one to be deterred–and anxious to shield Barbara from life’s pitfalls–Dee-Anne refused to give up…and screamed herself nearly…neigh….completely horse.

“Luckily for me”, she thought, “I’m a fan of  “Murmur She Wrote”; so she didn’t hesitate when her inside voice whispered, “Hedge your bets and take a short-cut through Diagon Valley, girl”.

Which she did…

But, missing the forest for the trees, she soon found herself out on a gnarly limb…and, she took another terrible tumble…

And, true to her nature, as she hit several branches on the way down,  she apologized to one and all…

“Like, I am like, soooo saw-ree!”.

However, just as it’s impossible to fit Square Pegs into  round holes—people-pleasing (however well-intended) can never make givers out of a takers; and poor Dee-Anne was about to learn this lesson the hard way.

You see, by the time she caught up to Barbara Bales, they were on Barbara’s home turf…well, her porch to be exact…

Bumped, banged and bruised–and, in need of a glass of water…and a soft spot to sit a spell–darling Dee-Anne perched on the edge of one of Barbara’s wicker chairs.

Imagine her confusion, shock and humiliation when, with all the pageantry of passive-aggressive showmanship, Barb B. turned the garden hose on ragged Dee-Anne and claimed she did so because Dee-Anne was so red she looked like she was on fire!

(Given that, in the ensuing years, Dee-Anne learned to channel her efforts into the reciprocal pursuits that led her to a community of game-changers, this was a Freudian slip if ever there was one.)

Having said all that, my ultimate point is this…

Knowing one’s value, and investing in oneself, is not child’s play; for, there are those who have tossed the Golden Rule aside like it’s an outgrown and outdated parable/fable…

So, do all you can to duck the make-believe sense that you are responsible for rescuing others, making them happy, and winning their approval…

Taking such a stance will only result in you finding yourself without a crane to stand on.

(But, not a real, green crane (or, a Frasier Crane): that’s cruel… )

Sincerely,

Truly (a (mostly) reformed Ragged Dee-Anne 🙂 )

God bless you, my friends.

P.S.  Clues for some of the more obscure frames of reference….Wax-on-wax-off, and crane (to stand on) is a nod to the movie, “The Karate Kid”; in the 70’s and 80’s, Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder comprised an iconic comedic duo; Jim Carey’s movie was “Ace Ventura, Pet Detective”; “My Cherie Amour” is a Stevie Wonder song; Lilith Fair, and “Building A Mystery” are tied to Canadian singer Sara McLachlan;  “Weird Science” starred Anthony Michael Hall and Kelly LeBrock (she was the “perfect” woman two science geeks invented); “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” is a movie–so is “Eat, Pray, Love”; Gweneth Paltrow and Chris Martin named their daughter Apple; a chignon is a French twisted-hairstyle; Rodney Dangerfield was a comedian whose gag/tag line was “I get no respect, no respect…”; Hall and Oats is an 80’s duo and “Your Kiss Is On My List” (1980) was one of their huge hits; and “Square Pegs” was a short-lived sitcom about Valley Girls whose dialogue was laced with the word ‘like’ and ‘gnarly’…it starred a very young Sarah Jessica Parker; Canadian band, Barenaked Ladies had a hit with “If I Had A Million Dollars”…a tongue-in-cheek offering, one of the lines is, “If I had a million dollars…I’d buy you a dress, but not a real green dress: that’s cruel”.