Well, hello, super marvels. Have I ever told you that one of the things I like best is eating breakfast for supper? Or that, weather permitting, I’ve worn my winter coat over my pyjamas and gone through Tim Horton’s drive-thru? And that, on occasion, I’ve thrown caution to the wind, and let my imagination run wild?
Well, in yet another feat of daring, this morning’s post is, technically, a night-time read (however, possessing versatility akin to French toast and bacon, it can be read at any old time at all 🙂 ).
We’re all familiar with the formulaic bedrock of fairy tales (cheated doom/happy endings); so, for the sake of brevity, today’s nod (off) to “Sleeping Beauty” includes crib notes.
Looming above a royal cradle, a prideful, speech-impaired (oh…and overlooked) spinster curses a doe-eyed, cooing infant. In this fair/wee tale, the envious Miss Fortune-Teller concedes that Briar Prose will, indeed, grow to have the most beautiful and wise voice in all the land…and…
(*Insert sneer and eye-roll here*)
…will, one day, meet her charming prince.
However, adds the spiteful wench, securing true love will be Princess P’s undoing.
Lost in love, and finding herself at a loss for words, the princess will cut her finger; and inadvertently enable a diss-enchanted spell that will render her every utterance nonsensical and objectionable. And, soon thereafter, the kingdom’s demoralized residents will become so emotionally-exhausted that they will fall into a collective stupor…never to be heard from again.
But, just to make things interesting, the spinster included the proviso that, if the couple kissed just after hearing the most magical melody of all, the curse would not take effect.
Fast forward to….whenever….
Once upon a tine, a young prince came to an unfamiliar fork in the road. Heretofore, filled with utmost confidence, unswerving determination–and in possession a fleet and sure-footed steed—the prince was unaccustomed to deep contemplation as to the path best travelled…
However, possessing the Nobel and prize-winning heart common to all fabled heroes, he wanted to do the good and right thing.
But where to begin?
How did this fork come to be here…and what could its significance be?
Having given it a momentary second, and third, thought—and a carefree shrug of his broad (*of course*) shoulders—the prince picked the fork up, took a left; and rode for a fortnight for no other reason than this time-frame is often included in tales of old.
And so it came to be that, on the fourteenth day—the longest ride of his life—Prince Tenderloin happened upon an unknown tract of land that was surrounded by a sentinel of impenetrable trees—there was no way through them!
Luckily, at a loss that had him going in circles, he eventually spied a guard-en gate on the furthest side of the enchanted forest
(I said the Prince was determined, I didn’t say he was all that observant).
Here, mere coincidence was elevated to fortunate happenstance. For, there—ducking his responsibilities—crouched Bill Mallard…a former school chum of the prince.
And, just when—believing he’d avoided detection—Bill figuratively jumped for joy, he was gripped by a leg-cramp so fierce that inflexibility bent him to its will.
Peeking/duck routine no longer an option, up popped Bill at the very moment the prince was about to depart, never to return!
Chagrined, Prince T’s former school chum confessed he’d resorted to moonlighting as a guardsman; and shared his tale of woe.
In return for his silence, the Prince was granted entry into the gated kingdom beyond; and…
Yada, yada, yada…
Despite stringent security measures, he and Briar Prose met, fell in (instant) love , and—on her 21st birthday—everyone had a ball….
However, as the handsome stranger and equitable princess twirled around the dance floor, things took a turn for the curse.
As their eyes locked, the couple heard a melody so hauntingly-beautiful that it could only be the prophesied enchantment that would destroy the spinster’s evil spell…
“Girl, your every woman in the world to me, you’re my fantasy, you’re my reality…”
And, with the final crescendo, they kissed for the first time, and their happy ending was assured….
Or, so they believed…
Meanwhile, secreted amongst the guests, Miss Fortune looked on with sadistic glee…relishing the knowledge that it was the accursed tuning fork (forgotten in the Prince’s breast pocket) that was playing their hearts like a fiddle….
Now, there are theories as to what happened next; but folklore holds that, when Prince Tenderloin kissed the princess, he took the words right of her mouth…which is plausible since he was the great-grandson of rock royalty (King Meat of Loafland).
However, truth is, upon searching her buzzed and delightfully-dizzied mind for apt words, Princess B(ee) discovered they were located on the tip of her tongue.
And not wanting to appear rude, she dared not look at them.
So, deciding her best option was to stall for time, she opened what she thought was a greeting card…
And fell victim to a paper cut!
Then, right on cue, the gloating spinster revealed herself, cackled smugly, and repeated every last detail of her nefarious curse…
Which, given the poison pen letter clasped in P.B.’s hand, was an indulgent and foolish redun-dunce.
Nevertheless, the toxic prediction hit its mark. The princess began to panic as excited words escaped her and trailed off, until all that remained were trembling stammers…
For a brief shaming moment, the spinster imagined a wilted Briar Prose—all confidence lost, holed up in a poison ivory tower, and beyond her subjects’ reach…
An itch they could never scratch…
However, the spiteful soul forgot to account for one very important thing. Princess Prose was so determined to spread love, kindness—and, encouragement—that she found the strength to act on the very last line of the very first fairy tale she ever heard…
“Stand before the people you fear (disappointing) and speak (from your heart)—even if your voice shakes.”
And when she did, the curse was broken….
Oh wait! A few enlightening points….
“Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind—even if your voice shakes” (one of my favourites) is a Maggie Kuhn quote.
“Yada, yada, yada” is a line/joke from Seinfeld. 🙂
“Every Woman In The World To Me” (by Air Supply) is a great song, but not hauntingly beautiful…that distinction belongs to “Unchained Melody” (the Righteous Brothers’ version).
And, Air Supply’s ballad, “I’m All Out Of Love” has to be in the top ten of my best-loved slow songs, but it didn’t lend itself to the storyline. 🙂
Lastly, I sneaked a second Air Supply ballad into the story….and a Meatloaf tune…a lyrical “Where’s Waldo”…perhaps you’ll let me know if you’ve found them 🙂
God bless you 🙂