(Mar. 20/16) “Tried Goeth Before A Fall…”

Well, hello, Wonderfuls!

Since I promised to be true in blue skies and grey, today’s whatever-the-whether report is colored by the latter…

Aas such, I don’t have a (first day of) spring in my step.

To start with, this weak has been seven days of absolute rough-ish.  Not wholly intolerable, but no walk in the park, either!

In fact, I barely got out of my house (or bed): missing half the work-week due to a cold streak (leaking eyes, runny nose…on and on the glamour goes)…

And speaking of half,

when I did make it to work, I can’t say I was all there!

It was as though my thoughts were swimming in a bowl of split pea-brain soup.

Buoy, oh buoy!  Thick, heavy and murky–thinky things weighed me down as I turtle-slogged through paperwork.

Today, I’m still half out of my mind, but I’m relieved that—when strolling through my Facebook account (largely, a collection of uplifting sayings and good news updates from friends)—I rediscovered a fantastic quote…

Here it is (stated Captain Obvious)…oh, and I Googled, but can’t find the author.

“I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m freakin’ exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.”  

Admittedly, feeling light as air when a friend sent it to me, it had me laughing with delight;

but, given current circumstances,

I’ve taken the liberty of giving it a tweak here…and a grammatical shift there… in order to provide the perfect context for my present  state of being…

I’m trying to be awesome today but I’m freakin’ (out)—(emotionally) exhausted from being awesome yesterday.

(*And, since yesterday is today’s déjà vu, any sense of awesomeness feels like an all-but-forgotten yesteryear…but, a major source of angst nonetheless…go figure!*)

And, writing’s to blame!

I adore it.  I’m hopelessly driven to do it.  There’s no stopping me; so–

optimist at heart–

I’m looking for an up-write way to  turn it all around and prove–

through love letters—

that we are meant to be.

You see, I don’t write for the fun of it….

Well, actually, yes I do…that’s the part I love without question!

And, other than being inconvenienced by literary inspirations in the wee hours of the morning, I wouldn’t trade it for anything….

except for peace of mind, that is.

And, therein lies the rub…

A couple years ago, when I took to writing with purpose (I’ll elaborate another time), I suspected that writing was going to be my golden-ticket to happiness…

It greatly increased my enthusiasm for optimism, enlightenment, playfulness, mental stimulation, and the burgeoning belief that I’d found a goof-proof means for connecting with/inspiring, and being inspired by, others on a deep and rewarding level.

And, that was largely supposition until I began blogging.

That’s where you come in, awe-inspire-ers.

Sharing my written thoughts has confirmed (and, friends, I say this with humility) that I was correct…

I’m meant to write!!!

You are living/giving proof that there are people who—

appreciative of my motives, and quirky writing style—

 

get the appeal of my, baring-one’s-soul, approach to sharing, growing, and encouraging each other.

And, for six glorious weeks, I’ve been mostly blissful…grateful, relieved, and transfixed by this new world where so many generous people choose to share their unique talents and passions!

Yes, Fantastics, I was, riding the joy wave, going with the flow…uncensored/unplugged…just minding my own random muse-ical thoughts…

“A, B, C–easy as 1, 2…”

“3 blind mice, 3 blind mice, see how…”

“There’s Something About…”

“Mary had a little…”

Wham!

And, just like that, sometime in the past week—

like a random victim of cow tipping—

I was blindsided by the udder nonsense of a “Careless Whisper” that’s resulted in a host of doubts pouncing with the ferocity of wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Somewhere along the (blurred) line,

my hard work and (let-my-guard-down) confidence boomeranged,

and hit me with the fear that (someday) I’ll be a really successful writer.

I know it sounds crazy…or maybe not…

Perhaps you can relate to fear of success…

and if not,

I’ve only succeeded in letting my crazy leak—no—gush out in a torrent of torment…

Wait, that last bit was much too dramatic…

I’m not tormented, but definitely well out of my comfort zone.

Okay, time to break it down:

A recovering-people-pleaser, I worry that critics will hone in on me…That’s tied to fear of hyper-scrutiny and scathing judgement.

What if, resentful, some family and/or friends decide that I’m no longer “one of us” (i.e.. “You’ve changed.”; “You can’t relate to us anymore.”; “We can’t relate to you anymore.”; “You don’t have/make time for us anymore.”…)?…That’s tied to rejection.

And what if, having realized success, I realize they’re right?…That’s fear of morphing from a Munster to a monster? (See March 13th blog for this particular frame of reference.)

What if….?

No…I need to stop thinking this way…

Miss Craisy has definitely taken the wheel; and the best I can do is stay calm and self-talk her into taking her rightful place in the back seat where she belongs.

Having taken the time to take a few really deep breaths, it’s just occurred to me that the above questions might be smoke and mirrors…

A feature of self-sabotage whereby imagined pitfalls are simply subconscious distractions…

Misdirection born of a greater comfort with clawing my way out of a pit rather than making my way up the ladder of success

(*Now, that, precious pals, is the social worker in me talking*).

What if I’m getting in my own way in order to avoid moving to the next stage (fright)…?

There I go with the questions again!

Okay, I just better quit while I’m behind. 🙂

I must remind you that I promised to write weekly; and this isn’t a (tie-it-all-up-in-a-bow) television show–I can’t always process-and-shine in the 6 daze between episodes.

However, since I’m the director of my own story, I get to choose the lens through which my life will is viewed…

I can either wade in a restrictive pallet; or dive into the deep end of the dream pool and make a Technicolor splash on the world.

Yep, its decided…no dreary, melodramatic black and white tragedy for me…I choose to (positively re-) frame this experience as a sitcom…

A nod to a “Laverne and Surely” (high hopes will ensure that everything’s going to be okay) re-run.

I hope you found it amusing.

Believe it or not…now that it’s all said and done…I can see the humor in a good deal of this.

You’ve done it again.

Thank you…and God bless you 🙂

P.S.

“A, B,C” is a Jackson 5 song.

“Three Blind Mice” is a nursery rhyme/song.

“There’s Something About Mary” is a movie/song.

“Mary Had A Little Lamb” is a nursery rhyme/song.

Wham! is a band…lead singer, George Michael recorded solo hit,  “Careless Whisper”.

“Laverne and Shirley” were quintessential optimists/room-mates who, when things got particularly daunting, rebounded by singing “High Hopes” 🙂

 

 

 

 

33 thoughts on “(Mar. 20/16) “Tried Goeth Before A Fall…””

  1. Great post!

    I’m sorry about your feeling bad, hopefully you will be feeling better soon. I could totally relate to the feeling completely out of it.

    A few things:
    -Unfortunately, I’m afraid, critics will be honing in on you no matter what it is that you do, it just isn’t possible to please every single person, it is a tough realization to come to grips with. So you should do you no matter who is judging. Judgers will always judge regardless.
    -Self-sabotage is quite real, although I feel that it may be hard to pin-point when you are self-sabotaging your life, making its concept even more scary. This is where self-awareness comes into play – which, admittedly, is extremely hard to keep up 24/7.

    I would like to think that you are meant to write, I like your style and I really enjoy reading it. Some things make me think, and others make me laugh: an excellent combo. I hope that you keep going, and don’t let fear of “success” keep you from achieving it, as I would love to keep enjoying your writing.

    And also, “like a random victim of cow tipping—I was blindsided by the udder nonsense” is one of the things that made me laugh.

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    1. I loved your comment and want to thank you from the bottom of my heart! I saw it in the morning, before work, and it underlined my determination that I was going to make the most of this day. As it turns out, here in my part of New Brunswick, we are having heavy snow fall that has resulted in schools being closed (I work in the schools)–which means I won’t be going to work today (I could do office/paperwork) except I live out of town, and the roads aren’t safe. So, I’m home today. My point is, life has a way of giving you the little breaks you need, just when you need them (I will benefit from one extra day in bed, getting over the worst of my cold). Sorry for rambling 🙂 Back to how much I appreciate you….thank you for your comprehensive and compassionate response…and thank you for “getting me” and letting me know how my post “hit” you…and, lastly, thanks for letting me know about the cow-tipping part…I wasn’t sure people would know what that was about. Take care…thanks again 🙂

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  2. Please continue to delight us with your thoughtful wit! In each one of us there lives a healthy critic. The critic keeps us from becoming too self absorbed. That being said, never let your own “critic” take over your “creative.” You write beautifully and your words are entertaining and meaningful. Worry not one bit about what your friends do or think. You are delighting yourself and others today. P.S. Hope you feel better this week!

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    1. I can’t thank you enough for sharing your generosity of spirit with me…I am very grateful and highly encouraged…what a kind and sensitive soul you are 🙂 And, I am feeling a good deal better today…thank you…

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  3. Thank you for this wonderful post, I think I might be your self doubting Sister here. But we have both only just begun this journey. The comments about the doubts in your head really resonate with me. But stick at it, your words are great.

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  4. Truly, truly you write wonderfully well and the humor factor is desperately needed..ignore the naysayers and gloomy gusses……you are charming and your writing wonderful. I love the way you play with words. Now onward to a week of a lack of weaks and more lovely blog posts please.

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    1. Suze, you are such a generous soul…thank you soooooo much for your encouragement and for letting me know that you “get me”…we share because we care, right? And we care because we are sensitive…that’s a recipe for a measure of vulnerability but I’m committed to ‘getting over myself’ 🙂 Thanks again 🙂

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  5. Illness is a terrible thing. I find I ramble greatly and achieve very little….quite maddening and being a fan of mad…

    The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?

    [Alice checks Hatter’s temperature]

    Alice Kingsley: I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

    Apologies but you just remind me of my own odd state of mind…your being unwell made me think of high temperatures and, being a fan of this very piece of literature, one could not resist yet another quote based on the action,surrounding the quotes, by Alice.

    Hope you feel better soon 🙂

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    1. Hi, Gary….I love the Alice quotes! You have a wonderfully unique way of expressing yourself and your frame of reference is awesome…can’t beat Alice In Wonderland! You make mad sound so enviable…talk about a positive reframe…from now on, when I find myself being hard on myself, I’ll smile and say, “I’m not anything as common as neurotic…I’m experiencing a delightful bout of madness 🙂 You’ve brightened my day–thank you! And, I’m actually feeling much better today…my cold is soon to be a distant memory. I hope you have a wonderful day 🙂

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      1. Just as well really because they sum you up rather well 🤗

        Or me…I can never decide; or maybe I can and am schizophrenic so am merely built of split personalities each with a different view point. Or is that my characters possessing again and being my mind into strange places and worlds? No, you are not a common neurotic…feel the madness and embrace it and join the ‘best people’ in the realm of the insane. It’s lovely here…although some folk give you an odd look; but then again some folk look odd and that’s OK too 🙃

        Glad you are feeling better 😷

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  6. I really truly enjoyed reading this blog post. I believe you have an amazing talent for writing and you pulled me in straight away and I was held in aww by your writing style. This being the first post of yours that I have read I look forward to reading the many more to come. Thank you for this post

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    1. Oh my gosh…you are more than kind! Thank you so much…I am so pleased that you enjoyed it…as much as I write for myself, it is a great feeling to share and know that others benefit from it to…you must understand, given that you are a creative person as well…the sharing is what makes it even more enjoyable. Your comment means a great deal…thanks again 🙂

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  7. Excuse me, are you in my head!?! Or maybe I’m in yours? Your fears are some cases verbatim to mine. I think that’s the struggle of thinking big when you are living in a world that typically thinks mediocre (and I say that in the most loving way possible). I too envision myself as a successful author and it can scare the dickens out of me! But then there is this aching to go for it, to write, write and write some more. That’s why I think the blogging community is so beautiful. It’s dreamers and great thinkers coming together to not only share their talents but to support each other so loudly that we drown out the fear. Keep writing! You’ve got great talent! Looking forward to reading more!

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    1. Thank you so very much! It is gratifying when one’s struggles are normalized/put into context by someone else who understands from the inside out. You have a lovely way with words, and such a kind heart for reaching out and sharing. You write beautifully and it is infused with compassion. When I get home from work, I am going to visit your blog. Thanks again….this meant a lot to me 🙂

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  8. Hi,
    I found you on Gary Jeffrey’s blog. I liked your headline– a play on words from “Pride Goeth Before a Fall”. I wish I were better at word play both as a blogger and as a yearbook teacher.
    Nice to meet you.
    Janice

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      2. Hi, Janice….I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about you…my flu wasn’t as near to an end as what I thought, and it’s slowed me down (I did’t even finish my weekly post in time for today’s self-imposted deadline). If all goes as planned, I will be up to speed tomorrow and will “visit” you. 🙂

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      3. Hi TrulyUnplugged,
        I was touched by your comment. You are sick with the flu and those miserable symptoms, and you are concerned about disappointing me? Wow! You are amazing! Feel better.
        Janice

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      4. Hi, Janice, what a kind comment….so sweet….I looked at your blog an clicked and clicked…I am quite a technophobe and computers tend to trigger angst 🙂 However, I have to say, your blog is very impressive…like a department store vs a little shop on the corner. I’m more like a well-stocked cupboard….a small one 🙂 Anyway, I’m following you and will continue to visit and slowly become acculturated….this is a whole new world to me. Thank you for being so welcoming 🙂

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      5. Thank YOU for your kindness. Worrying about ME when you were ill, subscribing to my blog today (thank you!!) and the nice comments about my blog. I want to put your comment about the department store on my About page and link to you. How are you feeling?
        Janice

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      6. You are so thoughtful….I very much appreciate that. And, I’m very happy for you to include my comments….thank you for including a link to me! Lastly, I’m still getting over a bug that’s been hanging on….however, I think it’s on its last legs 🙂 Take care…”see” you soon 🙂

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  10. I think you speak for us all dear friend and your quirky humour only adds more charm and delight, Do not worry about critics though, you will laugh your way out of every jab and jibe and hopefully, we will ‘loaf’ along with you in this ‘wanderful’ journey into stardom..
    P.S. I cannot figure out , how I missed this one.. Glad I decided to take a peek into my favourite blogger’s site..

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    1. As much as I love words, I cannot find the ones to tell you how much this message means to me….it came at the perfect time…it is so encouraging and beyond kind…thank you, thank you, thank you, my friend. And,thank you again. 🙂

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